London: Learning to embrace change by letting go

The night before my flight, I tossed and turned and looked up at the world map faintly illuminated by the moonlight above me. All I could think of was that there was still time to change my mind. What had I gotten myself into? Oh, Alexa, there is no way out this time. In that hour, leaving my country to study in London felt like leaping into a black hole filled with fear, doubt and the weight of the world.

Here I was, leaving behind everyone and everything I knew. Leaving behind my safety net and my comfort zone. Leaving behind all the things that had molded me into who I was.

But I had to take that leap of faith to answer one question: What was I without all those things? That’s what studying abroad is all about. To take myself out of all that is familiar, so that I can get plugged into a new environment, using only the wisdom of past experiences to adapt and work well within the new. It is under circumstances like this that the strength of my character is truly tested. It is in such situations that I feel like I am living a life worth living.

But it’s always easier said than done. I found that the hardest part was letting go — letting go of the worries, the what if’s, the fear and the doubt.

Just let go, and go, I kept telling myself. Yet, my first two days in London were characterized by shock and resistance accompanied by all-around numbness and anxiousness. I was fighting against the change all around me to cope.

On the third day, however, something changed. That morning, I left my apartment, alone for the first time, and just ran. After a few miles of peering through local food shops, business offices and shopping stores, I found myself gazing up at St. Paul’s Cathedral. Sweat running down my chest, ears and neck, my chest inhaling as much of the London air around me, I realized that I had to let go. At that very moment, I was amazed to be there.  I wasn’t scared anymore of the unknown. I had already done the hardest part. I had faced fear head on and got on that flight, committing myself to five months away from all that I had known.

I am here now. Completely here. Not fighting the change but building upon it, embracing the English accent, the slang, the immense amount of public transportation and anything new that the United Kingdom has to offer me.  #TroyMeetsWorld