Ask Tiffany: Catcalls and snowfalls

Dear Tiffany,

The other day I was walking along the street by a group of young men. I walked by, and they proceeded to whistle and shout things. Ugh. I was so disgusted. Naturally, I gave them the bird and kept walking. However, I thought about it later and I realized that maybe this wasn’t the best response. They just chuckled to themselves and said “ooooh.” Maybe I gave them exactly the reaction they were looking for. Should I have gone up to them and given them a piece of my feminist mind? Should I have ignored them?

Sincerely,

Not a cat; tired of being cat-called

First and foremost, gauge your safety in each situation before you do anything. In circumstances where you feel it is reasonably safe to say something, you’ve got to determine your end goal. From your chosen course of action, it seems like your desired outcome is to stick it right back to these hecklers. But as you have learned, they are often more amused than anything.

You might also wish to change their behavior and open their eyes to the patriarchy. You could attempt to do so by telling them that, contrary to what they might think, you are not looking for affirmation and feel extremely disrespected. Unfortunately, this might also result in their amusement. 

In an attempt to stoke a feminist epiphany, you might attempt to humanize yourself by asking them what they think about their parent/sibling/friend getting hollered at in such a way. Though this might be effective, it still doesn’t change their objectifying outlook.

And then there is just ignoring them. Though this might seem like condonation, it might be best to not give them any attention at all. It would be great if it was possible to engage these young men in a respectful dialogue about why street harassment is the worst.  Sadly, those who catcall are not likely to consider your points, admit their folly and become a changed person. But if you still want to challenge a catcaller (in a safe way) and make them feel on the defensive temporarily, this feminist is down for the cause.

Hi Tiffany!

A few years back, my sister and I lost our parents in a tragic accident. She’s older than me and she took it pretty hard, mainly because she felt like it was her responsibility to become the “head of our family” and pick up where my parents left off taking care of me.

I really appreciate everything she’s done for me, but she’s always been kind of aloof, and now, with all this extra work she’s been doing, I barely see her at all! She’s about to get a promotion, and while I’m happy for her, she’s really starting to freak out about all the pressure. At one point, she messed up at her job, and she ran away and decided she was going to live as a hermit in the mountains! I had to go out and bring her back, and I told her that I loved her no matter what, but she just wouldn’t listen! I almost froze to death trying to get her to come back!

I’m really worried about how to ease her nerves about screwing up. Do you have any advice on how to calm her down and convince her that, no matter what, she’s still the best sister ever?

I’m very sorry to hear about your parents. Sticking with your sister despite her icy behavior will help her battle her anxiety and just let it go. Have you tried spending some time together to show your true love? With El Niño approaching, building a snowman might be a good option.

Tiffany Kuan is a senior majoring in business administration. Her blog advice column, Ask Tiffany, runs every Monday.

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