Verismo vision: fostering deep and personal connections

Last weekend, I went out with my friends for the first time in what seemed like ages. As the semester has inevitably escalated to its climax, the copious amount of schoolwork that requires me to stay home alone almost every night has put me into a rut. However, after realizing that all work and no play makes Arya a dull boy, I reasoned that a riotous night out with my friends might be enough to break my rigid demeanor.

Though my social life seems to revolve predominantly around bar-hopping and clubbing, I’ve never been that fond of going out; rather, it’s something I do out of necessity. Likewise, I’m not much of a fan of anonymous hookups. True, I’ve had my fair share of them, but I’ve always valued personal and intellectual chemistry over colloquial intimacy. This somehow makes me an oddity within L.A.’s gay dating scene, as most people I’ve encountered don’t value these types of relationships like I do. And in a society that prefers Tinder over tenderness, I blame my high standards of love on Puccini.

I’ve mentioned several times before in my column that Puccini’s La Bohème is my favorite opera. I’ve seen it live more than any other opera. There’s even a tattoo on my forearm dedicated to the Act I finale. And though Puccini’s sumptuous orchestrations make me weak at the knees, it’s more the similarities I share with the characters that hold it so close to my heart.

In Act I, Rodolfo, a writer, opts out of spending an evening on the town with his friends to stay home and write. Moments later, he meets Mimì, a seamstress who lives in his building, and a deep connection is immediately established between them. Like Rodolfo, I place great importance on the first encounter; I’m able to feel in my gut early on something substantial is present. However, I’ve also mentioned that La Bohème has given me a skewed perception of love and dating. And I don’t necessarily mean monogamy, per se — it is more about allowing these connections to blossom without capping it after a two-week fling.

I was beginning to believe that this preference made me an anomaly; this type of intimacy seems to conflict with the philosophies of my friends, who prefer casual encounters and don’t always understand my outlook. However, I’m slowly realizing for as optimistic as I am regarding dating, I’m equally as cynical when it comes to other queer men because I just automatically assume no one is interested in pursuing a relationship. But preferring intellectual intimacy shouldn’t correlate with having impossible standards; chemistry isn’t something that one should sacrifice. However, perhaps the key to breaking my critical attitude toward other men is to stop trying to dictate the unpredictable. There is a fine line between cynicism and realism — and that’s a line I’m still learning to balance on.

However, that isn’t to say things have been exclusively abhorrent. I started dating someone about a month ago, a guy who seems to value personal connection as much as I do. It has been difficult to completely strip my mind of any negative assumptions regarding others’ intentions, but I’m learning to accept things as they are.

But just to throw it out there, Rodolfo and Mimì would have never fallen in love with each other if they didn’t keep their standards high.

Arya Roshanian is a senior majoring in music. He is also a lifestyle editor at the Daily Trojan. His column, “From the Top,”
runs on Tuesdays.