How to lose a guy in five (ridiculous, cringeworthy) ways

The other day I found myself re-watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Andie (Kate Hudson), a journalist at a popular women’s magazine, is inspired by her gal pal’s recent break-up and uses frequent habits that her friends often engage in that ultimately destroy relationships. She works her ass off to get a guy and then makes him lose all interest in her within 10 days, all as part of research for her article.

This got me thinking. Andie’s gal pal was depicted as needy, overbearing and too emotional in all her relationships — all behaviors that are negatively associated with women. So in what ways have I picked up habits that society and rom-coms at large portray as “unattractive” to the past men I have dated?

So here, today, I present to you five (absolutely ridiculous) ways that I have seen myself and other lady friends so inconsiderately “disservice” men in our past relationships.

1. Not letting them feel useful.

Apparently, I have this “issue” where I’m really competent and like to take care of things by myself. So when it came to a guy I was dating, he often felt left out of the picture. Things like carrying groceries into my apartment, helping me with my homework or creating my five-year-plan, I had it all covered. I could physically see his muscles deflate little by little each time I opened my own jars. He would communicate with me how he felt that he was on standby but wanted me to let him “take care of me” a little more. Sadly, I was not willing to become a less independent version of myself, so, evidently, the guy didn’t stay for very long.

2. Not caring about their opinions on your appearance.

On the daily, I can range from New York Fashion Week to Idaho’s award-losing potato sack. One of my dudes wasn’t really for it. I recall one time we were going out to dinner and I decided to pair my little black dress with some all-white, All Star Adidas tennis shoes. He thought that I should pair it with something like heels or a pair of cute woven flats. Note taken, but I think he forgot to realize that I dress for myself. Dude was sad I didn’t take his opinion on being his trophy girl.

3.  Being knowledgeable on things that aren’t “meant for” girls.

I am a Lakers fan. All day. But, come into any conversation with a male fellow and sharing the fact of my undying love for the Lakers, I am immediately quizzed on trivial things like, “Oh, so who’s the starting five for the upcoming season?” or “Do you even know the blood type of the assistant coach whose last name starts with an M?” And don’t get me started on cars. I don’t even know how to put into words how pleasantly surprised guys are when they find out I can drive a manual car or if I can identify the difference between the exhaust sounds of a Honda versus a Nissan. But in any circumstance that a girl may happen to be more knowledgeable in discussions that are “for men,” it seems that such girls go from “cool, different and sexy” to “know-it-all, try-hard and aggravating.” So I guess if you’re trying to keep a guy, keep those men-terests to yourself.

4. Having a voice or being outspoken.

Ladies, if you thought being able to speak your mind and sharing your thoughts was a great way to express yourself, I am here today to correct you. I can’t count how many guys I have turned off by sharing my thoughts or being honest. My ex-boyfriend hated when I would object or question his personal thoughts or opinions. But my ex-boyfriend is not alone. Multitudes of male peers, even at USC, have a hard time listening to what women have to say; the fact that women have original thoughts and opinions is absurdly appalling! So next time you’re preparing for a date, make sure to put on extra extra lip gloss to keep your lips stuck together.

5. Being lactose intolerant.

Ah, the beauty of romance. To affirm a guy in his knowledge of women and how to swoon one, be sure to accept all his sweeping gestures and romantic efforts to make you go heart eyes. In the case that you may be romantically lactose intolerant, aka incapable of processing anything “cheesy,” just sit on your hands and bite your tongue! Let your guy love you the way that he believes you should be loved!.Forget about what you like, so long as he feels that his idea of romance is being properly portrayed — that’s what a relationship should really be about. If you happen to start feeling your inner frustrations boiling inside of you just think of cute puppies and how this guy would look like with no eyebrows, then release a gentle, “Awww!”

There you have it: five ways I have lost a man. But in all seriousness, date how you want. Maybe you’re like Andie’s gal pal but maybe you can relate with the things I listed above. Either way, be true to you and find someone who is absolutely in love with it and embraces it all. Cheers and happy dating!

Dani Chang is a senior majoring in cinema and media studies.  Her column, “Feisty Woman,” runs every other Friday.