“I honestly can’t keep track of all your guys.”
I’ve heard my friends say this to me enough to make me wonder if I’m truly as boy crazy as it seems. Yes, it’s true — I feel like I have a new fling every month. And as someone who jumped into a semi-relationship during the very first week of freshman year, there have been few moments during my time in college when I wasn’t pining over a boy.
When I first came to college, I had very little experience with dating, so I was eager to find romance — and looking back at it, I was pretty disillusioned about what that meant on a college campus. I guess I was pretty lucky to even meet someone right off the bat, but that only lasted for a few months, and so my spree of temporary love interests began. Going to a school as big as USC and with as many good-looking options only made it easier to move on to the next boy after it didn’t work out with one. I went through waves of flings, some more serious than others, but I always ended up back in the same place.
“I just don’t want a relationship right now.”
Engrave this on my tombstone when I die because I swear it’ll be my cause of death if I hear it one more time. It’s not that I need a relationship to be happy (I swear I’m not desperate), but it’s very tiring to put so much hope and effort into a potential boyfriend and watch it fail miserably every time. Whenever it hasn’t worked out with someone, I’ve always been optimistic that the next one will be the one, that I’m just one step closer to finding what I’ve been looking for. However, after a while you begin to wonder if you’re just wasting your time running in circles looking for something that’s just not there.
My most recent breakup left me the most torn up I’ve felt over any of my past flings. Perhaps it’s because there was something real and it was a lost opportunity, or maybe all of my losses are adding up and starting to take a toll on my emotional stamina. But even still, even after my phases of romantic pessimism, I can’t help but wonder when the next affair will begin and with whom. Maybe I’ll meet someone this week that’ll make me forget the last one, just like how I met my ex when I least expected it. As Fergie said in her song “Fergalicous,” “Boys just come and go like seasons,” and it’s true. This time last year I had a completely different person on my mind than I do now, and this time next year will be even more different.
Whether it’s a one-week stint or a semester-long fling, you have to find a way to enjoy these petty heartbreaks while you’re in college. One day you’ll be settled down, and you’ll look back and laugh at all the times you swore you would end up as a single cat lady.
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