Welcome to Sex and the Campus, a weekly column where I discuss all things love and relationships. It should be noted that I do not claim to be any kind of expert in either area. Dating is hard, but hopefully reading this column won’t be.
If you have any burning questions about love and relationships, or just have a good dating horror story to share feel free to send them to firstname.lastname@example.org
This week we’re talking about sex. Since it is a sex column, I figured it was fitting.
What is it about that word that makes people blush and cringe? We all know it happens, but for some reason no one wants to talk about it. Sex-ed in schools in a joke and if you’re not lucky enough to have parents who will talk to you about doing the horizontal mambo, you’re normally getting your information from friends, TV, or porn; none of those sources are accurate by the way.
If you have sex, you’re a slut, and if you don’t, you’re a prude. No one can win with those odds. Here’s the truth about sex: It is a big deal, and you don’t have to religious or prudish to believe that. It’s not the only form of intimacy, but it’s pretty high up there on the list.
Sex is supposed to be romantic, awkward, and sometimes even a little humorous. It’s definitely not like the movies, but maybe it should be. In films, it’s this beautiful moment of passion between two people who have been fighting to be together. In real life, sex is just chalked up to dating apps and late night booty call texts. I think I like fantasy better than reality.
The problem with real life is that we try to convince ourselves that sex and love are mutually exclusive. When we know in our heart of hearts that they are inexplicably linked. There’s no such thing as “casual sex”. There’s truthfully nothing casual about it. No matter your sex, gender, and sexual orientation there are always emotions involved.
Now, I’m not judging anyone who’s bought into this hook up culture phenomenon; I haven’t always been so mushy about intercourse myself. I got hurt once, and it hardened my heart. My romantic notions about waiting for my one true love were forgotten. My soul calloused over to protect myself from the pain someone had inflicted on me. If sex and being intimate with someone meant so much, then that person had taken something from me. So it couldn’t mean anything.
In that hurt, I made a stupid choice. I convinced myself that I didn’t care, that the lack of candles and rose petals didn’t matter. I felt like that’s all I was worth. Then something happened, well someone. I met this guy who somehow was able to crack my tough exterior. He made me feel safe in being vulnerable. He didn’t want anything, and gave me everything.
We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about sex. We need to be talking about it. We need to be encouraging each other to wait. Don’t settle for the cheap thrills because what Cosmo doesn’t tell you is that not all sex is great sex. There aren’t 50 tips to having good sex, there’s only one: Wait for love. One day there will be someone who makes you feel like there have been a thousand butterflies set off in your stomach. They will make you feel safe, and respected. They won’t sneak off in the middle of the night, or ghost you the next day. You’re worth that.