All dogs don’t go to heaven

Angelenos tend to anthropomorphize their pets more than the average American. To validate this, one needs only to visit the Grove and view the garish parade of dogs dressed in frilly orange pinafores and novelty tees — a canine fashion trend that would perhaps make more sense on the East Coast, where the temperature actually drops below a balmy 65 degrees Fahrenheit. (And Elle Woods was right: “Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.”)

For those who believe their pets deserve the best, there is an inexhaustible market for designer clothes, gourmet food and posh resorts, all tailored to the quadrupedal. Los Angeles even offers myriad pet cemeteries for Fluffy’s final journey to the giant litterbox in the ground.

It only makes sense, then, that there is a niche in the market for a company that tailors to the needs of the evangelical pet owners of America. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets offers the very latest in animal care for those who fear they will leave a special someone behind after — what else? — the second coming. While the company’s ethics have come under fire, they target an undeniably profitable customer bloc. Earth-bound pets might not be as crazy a venture as it seems.

For some citizens, the famed biblical Rapture is about as pressing a danger as California’s “big one;” historical precedent tells us it will happen someday, and we can only hope that, when the tremors come, we’re prepared. For a small group of American fundamentalists, however, preparation for the afterlife involves more than just having a clean conscience — it means providing for those who will be left behind.

Biblical canon holds that pets don’t have souls; thus, Rapture theory proposes animals will not be allowed on the figurative bus to heaven once the time comes, leaving them to wander earth with nonbelievers, sinners and Yankees fans. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets promises on its website that each “representative is a confirmed atheist and as such will still be here on Earth after you have received your reward.”

For the fee of $110, members will be matched with an atheist animal rescuer (currently available in 22 states); the company guarantees the rescuer will reach the stranded pet within 24 hours of Rapture (depending on traffic and general carnage, of course). The fee insures owners for a decade, at which point members can renew for a reduced rate. Apparently, more than 100 pet owners have already signed up for the service.

It seems like a great way for the wayward sinner to make a few extra bucks, but one can only wonder how a business model like this is ethical; the company is making it’s money based on an event it believes will never happen. How is this any different than selling invisibility cloaks or Walt Disney’s frozen remains over the Internet?

Surprisingly, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets follows the same business models as many insurance companies, according to an AOL news article. “[Insurance] premiums are based on the likelihood that the company will have to pay out money for claims,” said Jennifer Fisher, a professor of ethics at the University of San Francisco, in the article. Essentially, insurance companies are betting against the fact that a customer will need to file a claim.

In fact, Earth-Bound’s site rather defensively defends its ethics. A portion of the FAQ section states, “Being an atheist does not mean we lack morals or ethics. It just means we don’t believe in God or gods. All of our representatives are normal folks who love and live for their family, and are gainfully employed.”

It seems Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is putting a new spin on an old practice. While it has already received a fair amount of flak, the fact remains that its business is by the books and legal. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Lucy Mueller is a junior majoring in cinema-production.

3 replies
  1. Austin
    Austin says:

    [Ran into this web article a short time ago which indicates that the famous “rapture” of funnymentalists is actually a 19th century crock!]


    by Dave MacPherson

    The word “secrecy” when applied to Christ’s return can refer to two different things: time and visibility. Before 1830 the only coming Christians looked for was the “every eye shall see him” second advent to earth – secret only in point of time.
    Enter Margaret Macdonald in 1830. She saw “the one taken and the other left” before “THE WICKED” [Antichrist] will “be revealed” – and added that her pretrib rapture would not be “seen by the natural eye” but only by “those who have the light of God within.” Her rapture was doubly secret: at an unknown day and hour and also invisible to “outsiders.”
    Desperate to eliminate Margaret as the pretrib originator and the Irvingites as the first public teachers of pretrib, Darby defender Thomas Ice foolishly claims that they taught a secret POSTTRIB coming even though he knows that when Hal Lindsey teaches “one taken” etc. before the Antichrist “is revealed” Lindsey is expressing the kernel of the pretrib view – what MM and the Irvingites clearly taught before Darby did! Google “X-Raying Margaret” and “Edward Irving is Unnerving” to see why they are properly labeled “pretrib.”)
    As early as June 1832, Irving’s journal taught that only “to those who are watching and praying…will Christ be manifested…as the morning star. To the rest of the church, and to the world, this first appearance will be…unintelligible.” (“Present State of Prophetic Knowledge” etc., p. 374)
    Always trailing and “borrowing” quietly from the Irvingites who in turn had “borrowed” from Margaret, Darby in 1845 finally sounded like them when he wrote that “the bright and morning Star…is the sweet and blessed sign to them that watch…And such is Christ before He appears [at the final advent to earth]. The Sun will arise on the world….The star is before the [Sun], the joy of those who watch. The unwakeful world, who sleep in the night, see it not.” (“Thoughts on the Apocalypse,” p. 167)
    And Lindsey’s “Late Great Planet Earth,” p. 143, says that “the second coming is said to be visible to the whole earth (Revelation 1:7). However, in the Rapture. only the Christians see Him – it’s a mystery, a secret.”
    My bestselling book “The Rapture Plot” (available at online stores including Armageddon Books) has 300 pages of such documentation and proves that Margaret was the first to “see” a secret, pretrib rapture, that the Irvingites soon echoed her in their journal (which Darby admitted he avidly read), and that Darby was last on all of the crucial aspects of dispensationalism.
    Shockingly, all of the earliest pretrib development rested solely on unclear OT and NT types and symbols and NOT on clear Biblical statements. Margaret’s rapture was inspired by Rev. 11’s “two witnesses.” And her “secret visibility” rested on the “types” of Stephen, Paul, and John – all of whom saw or heard what others couldn’t see or hear.
    For 30 years Darby’s pretrib basis was the rapture of Rev. 12’s “man child” – actually his plagiarism of Irving’s usage of this “pretrib” symbol eight years earlier!
    As I said at the start, the “second advent to earth” is secret in point of time with its unknown “day and hour,” as Christ stated. Pretribs assert that if Christ returns for the church after the tribulation, we could count down the days and figure out the actual date of His return – which would contradict Christ’s words.
    But pretribs deliberately ignore the fact that Christ said that the tribulation days will be shortened – and He didn’t reveal the length of the shortening!
    Our opponents also assume that the “watch” verses prove the “any-moment imminence” of Christ’s return. But do they? II Peter 3:12 says we are to be “looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God” which all premills claim is at least 1000 years ahead of us and therefore hardly “imminent”! What’s the difference between “watching for” and “looking for”?
    You have just learned a few of the many secrets that the Secret Rapture Gang has hidden for a long time. Evidently they have forgotten Luke 12:2’s warning that “there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed”!
    PS – For the ultimate in uncovered secrets, see engines like Google and type in “Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty.”

  2. Bart
    Bart says:

    Thanks for the article on my post rapture pet rescue business.

    Just for clarification… I also do not believe in alien abductions. However I would be more than happy to insure a believer in same against his possible abduction, and any injuries sustained during the alien’s infamous “probing” process.

    Naturally, unlike the rapture where open graves of the faithful, and the instant disappearance of millions of God fearing Christians would be self evident, I’d need objective verifyable evidence before an alien abduction payout.

    Yours in reason,
    creator/co-owner: EE-BP, USA
    Author: The Atheist Camel Chronicles: Debate Themss and Arguments for the Non-Believer

Comments are closed.