Fémmoirs: ‘Dirty John’ is a grim case of abuse


I just finished reading the last installment of Dirty John, a recent Los Angeles Times’  crime series, with goosebumps on my arms. The twisted, non-fiction story of a serial manipulator, nicknamed “Dirty John,” in Orange County was exciting, yet frighteningly close to the quiet suburban reality of the town I grew up in.

I spent the last 18 years in Garden Grove, a small suburb of Orange County, five minutes from Disneyland. I had driven past the aforementioned locations in Dirty John, recognizing the vivid imagery Christopher Goffard, the crime journalist, described in the podcast. I had almost nothing in common with Debra Newell, the woman who was the protagonist of the series, and victim of Dirty John’s domestic terror in the series — except that we lived in the same county and we are both women.

But what some take to be an entertaining crime series with little journalistic basis (judging by the comments on every Dirty John post), I find to be another frightening scenario of domestic abuse that commonly occurs in the United States.

As a young woman, I’ve scrolled through many Tinder bios and initiated Bumble conversations just like Newell; many of my male and female friends have as well. You never really think of the possibility of matching with someone who has the potential to be a domestic abuser, that someone is out there to target you and use your vulnerabilities against you while proclaiming love for a self-seeking purpose.

When examining the statistics from the National Domestic Violence Hotline, I realize how women, every day, are faced with their own version of Dirty John. And not every woman gets a lucky, privileged ending like Newell, a wealthy woman in her late 50s who had money and a family supporting her.

Nearly one in five women have been raped in their lifetime. From 1994 to 2010, about four in five victims of domestic violence are women. One in four women have been the victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

We preach feminism and we strive for workplace equality, but an underlying culture of domestic violence still exists. And it’s terrifying. One in four, one in five? How many women do we all encounter on a daily basis, and how many of these statistics apply to them?

I recently read a story in the San Francisco Chronicle that details the domestic murder of an Asian American woman named Cecilia Lam. Lam was shot in the back of her head by her boyfriend, who subsequently turned the gun on himself. In the midst of the Las Vegas massacre and politically heated discussions of gun control, domestic violence is yet another aspect we must consider.

The issue of domestic abuse is one that is very nuanced and complex — so much so that it can be difficult for outsiders to truly understand why victims stay with their abusers, why they are so slow to seek help or escape. Dirty John is one such example, although it is not a definitive portrait of domestic abuse. Newell had the resources — legal and personal help — while many women are from low-income backgrounds, with little to no family support.

I’m currently in a loving and supportive relationship, but Dirty John reignites a subconscious fear I will have to face if I ever enter back into the dating pool — one almost all women have in the back of their minds.

I grew up with an overly cautious Vietnamese mother who warned me about men, about going out alone at night and sending explicit pictures of myself based on stories she heard from her friends. Although I dismissed her warnings at the time as pure parental caution, in hindsight, she was just trying to warn me about the dangers that a young woman can face in intimate relationships.

It’s easy to dismiss a crime series as mere entertainment and see John Meehan (“Dirty John”) as a danger only for naive women. The truth is that smart, hard-working, professional women are just as easy targets for manipulators and liars. And what’s worrisome is that we know stories about these women — we just never expect ourselves to be one of them.

Terry Nguyen is a sophomore majoring in journalism and political science. She is also the news assignments editor of the Daily Trojan. Her column, “Fémmoirs,” runs every other Monday.

1 reply
  1. Lunderful
    Lunderful says:

    And the point of your article is what? For starters, you neglected to mention the role of substance abuse in most cases of domestic violence. Women are not slow-moving targets and they have choices. Some make poor choices regards the company they keep. How do you define rape? Lately it can be defined as nothing more than an unwanted touch. This is an example of the Left raping language.

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