Friendships must end with maturity, honesty

Breaking up is hard to do, even when romance isn’t a factor. It’s difficult to know how to gently let go of a close friend without completely incinerating any bridges or making an enemy for life.

Unfortunately, parting from a friend is sometimes inevitable, no matter how much it hurts. Not all relationships last forever.

This parting doesn’t necessarily need to be done gently, though. Be honest with him or her. Don’t sugarcoat how you really feel, because this doesn’t do anyone any favors. Your friend put in the time with you, so the least that you can do is show him or her some respect by saying what’s on your mind.

Then again, maybe this friend doesn’t deserve your respect. Friendships are not immune to messy arguments and brutal endings.

People drift apart. They also make mistakes and hurt each other and act like jackasses. Or it could turn out that you really didn’t know your friend as well as you thought, after all. Years of spending time together can lead up to one moment of realization that you and this friend are no longer compatible. A sudden yet inexplicable internal change occurs, and you find you simply don’t view the other person the same way anymore. Nobody did anything wrong; it just happened.

None of these situations is easy — they all hurt in their own way. A friend breakup can be even worse than a romantic breakup. Romance is great and all, but a good friend fills an extremely specific void. When he or she is removed, that void often remains empty.

It doesn’t help that usually, if you reach the point where you must break up with a close friend, you’ve been friends for a while. It’s only the long-term friendships that receive a dramatic ending; otherwise, it’s merely an acquaintance that fizzled out. Close friends know you inside and out. They’ll point out your flaws with a laugh and hold your hand without any expectations.

Losing a best friend is like losing an appendage. Let’s be real: This is college, so most friendships will probably last longer than romances. That’s why it’s vital to handle this situation with the utmost care.

You shouldn’t thoughtlessly break up with a friend. Evaluate whether this friendship is worth the trouble to save — some are and some aren’t, so decide and proceed accordingly. If there’s a chance the problem can be solved, use your words. Now that we’re legal adults (mostly), it’s time to start acting like it. Don’t shy away from the tough, awkward subjects. Force your mouth to form the words that you know have to be said, even if your tongue seems to be weighed down by novocaine.

“I feel like we’re going in different directions and don’t understand each other anymore.”

“Your friendship is no longer a comfort to me but more of an obligation.”

“Our interactions are completely unequal. You always take and I’m always giving, and I can’t do it anymore.”

Though these sound eerily similar to breakup lines from a second-rate movie, they get the point across. Tell your friend how you truly feel instead of expecting him or her to infer your internal monologue from ignored texts and bad moods.

Assumed telepathy is the silent killer of friendship: No one really knows what another person is thinking. The reason it happens so frequently between close friends is because you expect each other to intuitively understand and predict the other’s needs.

This expectation is unrealistic, however, and only sets you up for failure. Rather than ignoring an issue or a person, be confrontational. If you must, write down what you need to say beforehand and practice in a mirror. Rehearse the way you’ll express what you need to say: Though your memories together are still smile-worthy, the bond you once shared just isn’t the same.

On the other hand, friendships are by no means guaranteed to end with a sad, oops-we’ve-grown-apart whimper. It can also be the case that you feel betrayed by a friend and his or her very existence causes your blood to boil. In this case, don’t hold your anger back. Let them have it. Nobody is asking for a scene worthy of a telenovela, but it’s also unhealthy to keep your emotions bottled up.

Even if your friend doesn’t understand at the moment, you’ll both be happier in the future. A soured connection will only create anxiety and resentment for both parties involved.

It might not be pleasant to acknowledge, but not every friendship is meant to last. People go in and out of our lives for various reasons at different times and that’s just the way it is. At least, that’s what I read on a MySpace profile once.

Nick Cimarusti is a junior majoring in English and Spanish. His column “Get Schooled” runs Mondays.