What does your major say about you?
Film
Most likely, seeing Pulp Fiction as a fetus accounts for your precocity and is probably what made you want to major in film at age four. This is something a film student would never admit because it clashes the edgy, filmmaker archetype devised by none other than the filmmaker his or herself. As a Cinema student, you automatically disagree with everything; opinions are too blockbuster. All movies try too hard or are too unoriginal, except yours of course. Between breaths, you use words like ‘aesthetic’ and ‘lampoon’ (catch the Lena Dunham reference) because you are the perfect combination of smart and artsy. While these students are flawed in their fedora wearing ways, they also are among the elite number of students who are only admitted to one of the best cinema schools in the nation but they also hone in their craft with real Hollywood professionals. Guess you could say, being a film major is kind of a big deal.
Communications
Communications is a major crafted exclusively to suit its student’s special skills set: waiting in line at Nektar. Just kidding. Like business majors, Annenberg students are disliked by other majors as they are basically a coalition of the most attractive people on campus. Communication majors divide their time equally between partying and working at the best internships in LA. The only thing longer than the amount of time a Communication major spends walking down the Greek Row is his or her resume.
Engineering
These people never leave Viterbi. Mainly because they can’t. Welcome to the hardest major on campus. Engineering students travel in small packs, because about one-third of registered students drop their classes. Moreover, Viterbi students are the only people still watching the Big Bang Theory. To the outside world, every girl studying science is automatically Hermione from Harry Potter regardless of appearance, and every boy, Bill Nye the Science Guy. While these character types are extremely accurate, realistically speaking students of all other majors will end up working for engineering majors. Next time, you are at SAL computer lab printing your paper last minute make sure to stop by and introduce yourself to your future boss. It is great networking. Fight on!
Business
Business majors are very easy to spot because they like to match the suit they wear to school every other day to their huge egos. But seriously, what’s up with the suits? Disliked by every other major on campus, they are notoriously known for attending one of the most prestigious schools at USC, yet almost never doing anything school related. Never ask a Marshall student what they are studying, because as a business student, the answer will always be nothing.
Business majors usually reside poolside while they fill out their own entrepreneurship surveys. Do not be phased by the ‘business casual’ lifestyle; they are only spending their college experience doing nothing because they are saving every ounce of energy for when they are making 200,000k a year.
Music
Music majors are the coolest people on campus. All of these students are essentially Damien from Mean Girls reincarnated into the type of person who sits on the grass by Bing Theater barefoot. They live in Ground Zero and actually go to the performing art events.
Philosophy
Philosophy students go to class only three times per semester. Although when they do show up, these students keep their hand raised the entire time. After a while, it becomes clear that they have formulated a series of scapegoats for in class discussion to make up for truancy. Next time, you are sitting next to a philosophy student, keep tally of all of the times they tangent off to (1) Greco-Roman Antiquity, (2) Etymology or Latin roots of words, or (3) Nihilism (a crowd favorite). These are the kinds of people who drink Peet’s Coffee and actually like it. Nevertheless, their quick, witty, conversational, and out-of-the-box thinking styles not only enable them to prosper in any academic or vocational context but also in social settings. If you are ever feel like having a mid-life crisis, talk to a philosophy major.
Pre-med
Pre-med students are everything our mothers wanted us to be and so much more. They are always vigorously studying. The only difference between a drunk person and a pre-med student at USC is the drunk can wake up sober; pre-med students never sleep.
Dance
I have never met a student studying dance at USC. Here’s my best guess:
Broadcast Journalism
The most commonly coined phrase by a Broadcast major is “I’m a Broadcast major.” No really, they love to talk about themselves (think Ron Burgundy); in fact, instead of downloading music, they actually listen to pre-recorded sound bites of their own voice. They rarely speak softly, as they are always with purpose, over-enunciating constant sounds in confidence. You will never be bored, because every conversation is like a long weather report. All jokes aside, these students are ‘the movers and the shakers’ of USC, and their go-getter personalities and journalistic prowess actually allows them to kill job interviews, tackle public speaking, and spice up banal networking conversations.
