8 reasons to wake up earlier, or 8 reasons to smother yourself with a pillow?

Did you know you should be waking up earlier? According to COEDmagazine.com, there are actually no more and no less than eight reasons why you should be irritating your roommates before ten o’clock. And you know it’s true because this is the same website reminding us with a feature story on “fripples” (frozen nipples). And if it’s correct about September being the start of “nipple season,” than it must be correct about this!

Let’s take look at some of the reasons:

Reason #1: The morning is a time for “growing yourself – professionally, emotionally, phisically, mentally and spiritually.” Because if we’re not reading “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Soul” in the morning, you might as well not be reading it at all.

Reason #5: Use morning time for thinking. Because humans don’t think past 10 a.m., natch.

Reason #6: Humans should wake up when the sun wakes up— it’s nature! But this means that we get to go back to sleep every time there’s a cloud. Also, bed time is 7:30 p.m.

Reason #7: Meditate. You know, to “relax your brain and sharpen your mind.” Oh wait, you know what also does that? Sleep.

Curiously, none of the reasons are getting a massage from a hot girl, which is the image displayed next to the story.

Fortunately, there is at also one reason to not wake up early: Because you will have to do that every day of your life after you graduate. Why start now?