USC should offer benefits from Foursquare

Location-based service Foursquare hit 4 million users at the end of last week, and though it’s unlikely to eclipse names like Facebook, Google or even Twitter in the Internet landscape, it’s approaching fast.

One has to wonder, though — what exactly is the point?

For those unfamiliar to the service, imagine an application where you and your chosen “friends” vie for badges and the title of mayor of restaurants, bars, gyms — anywhere you might possibly hang out — through winning points by “checking in” every time you visit.

There’s not much at stake here, besides bragging rights, the rare coupon or business incentive and a litany of “tips,” which can include tidbits like “Never eat the fish here” and “If you tell the fat bouncer his hair looks nice, he’ll let you in first.”

Foursquare even connects to your Twitter or Facebook so every stalker can know where you are all the time.

Any Trojan Tweeter will notice that students will even check into classrooms and spots on campus, even though the university does not offer any incentives to do so. Here are some fanciful suggestions for what the administration should do to its dedicated social media addicts.

Ronald Tutor Campus Center Food Court

Hands down, the mayor should definitely get “cutsies” on any line during prime lunch hour. As in, front-of-line, no questions asked, move-over-freshmen privileges. Getting CPK Express in an actual “express” amount of time? Perfectly privileged — and logical.

Make it happen, Kris Klinger!

Annenberg School of Communication

Students here hear social media buzzwords almost daily in their classes. Shouldn’t there be some reward here for those most loyal to the burgeoning social media saturation? The mayor here should get to print for free. Or an internship.

Leavey Library

Any attention-hungry blowhard that checks into Leavey is just crying for study sympathy. Boo-hoo, you’re in college — you have to you know, learn a little. That lucky stiff that wins the title of mayor, however, should be able to set up a comfortable nook, complete with scented candles, beanbag chairs, nutritious (but quiet) snacks and an espresso machine. And perhaps a GPA boost.

Lyon Center

Let’s be real — the mayor of this lovely athletic facility deserves only one thing, the most coveted and most rare of sites: a reserved-just-for-them fully functioning piece of exercise equipment.

New/North, Marks Hall, Troy Apartments and any building in USC Housing

Anyone competing to be the mayor of the dorm they live in deserves a single award: a smack in the face. Alerting the Internet you’re home is just crying for them to come into your house and assault your person. Seriously.