The don’ts of dating and dining

Traditional dating may be on its way out, but one of key element will never go out of vogue: the first dinner date. The saying, “You can get to a man’s heart through his stomach,” is, for the most part, true. But, gentlemen, that works for the ladies too. Because first impressions are everything, here are the top 10 don’ts of dining on a first date:

1.  Anything with garlic – Scaring away a date is not something that should be accomplished because of bad breath. Garlic is all well and good when you’re with your friends or family, but seeing someone of interest, like a boss or possible future significant other, is not okay – those people should encounter the breath of death only once they are stuck in the relationship. If garlic is a must, then you both must consume it.

2.  Mexican food, specifically with beans – “Beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot…” Absolutely not. Imagine a first date at a concert – it’s loud, so the concert takes care of one aspect, but close proximity to others is a thing – beware the beans. Tacos, chips and salsa, enchiladas, tamales, tortas and sopes are all great options, just hold the beans. Don’t discount BBQ baked beans, because all beans have the same effect.

3.  Salad, or leafy forkfuls of death – Ladies, eating leafy greens and maintaining a slim figure is great when not on a date. Lettuce is difficult to consume and look “cute” while doing so; save the physical exhaustion, the blushing and embarrassing giggles that are attempting to muffle the massive amount of green being devoured, and order something where smaller bites are required. In reference to Amanda Bynes’ She’s the Man, “Violet, chew like you have a secret.” See also: Larger-than-life sandwiches

4.  Ethiopian food – Cultural excursions make some of the best dates, but pick one that won’t leave you in the restaurant bathroom for longer than two minutes. Complete respect to the Ethiopian culture for mastering large quantities of vegan and vegetarian food, as well as savory chicken, but there have been quite a few instances that have resulted in explosive experiences.

5. Spicy food, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen – Spicy food is self-explanatory. Ladies, don’t melt the makeup job, and gents, don’t sweat through button downs – not cute.

6.  Anything with hard-core onion, like French onion soup – Raw or cooked, sautéed or fried, onions are a great source of fiber and have amazing flavor. Unfortunately, raw onions, apart from being delicious, cause bad breath, so be careful.

7.  Anything super fishy – If both parties enjoy a good oyster bar, by all means, go. And some atmospheric seaside ambiance is a lovely touch, but sometimes less is more, and the smell of the sea is always more romantic than a fresh slab of raw halibut.  

8.  Food you haven’t tried before – When eating out, it is easy to figure out what you will like and what you won’t based on previous experience, so make sure that you are smart in regards to choosing a great location.

9.  Larger-than-life sandwiches, sandwiches that require a pie hole larger than necessary – If you need to open your mouth as wide as a basking shark in order to fit the sandwich in, you’re not doing something right. This includes, large burgers, layered subs and po-boys.

10.  Messy foods – Included are BBQ ribs, chicken and any super saucy finger foods. BBQ is a huge one, because the restaurants never seem to provide enough napkins and wipes to get rid of the smell of hickory smoked ribs or the stickiness of the brown sugar-baked corn cake, but it is delicious.

Make sure that the person you choose to date learns your eating habits and appreciates who you are. There is nothing worse than a significant other who can’t appreciate a little bit of leftovers on your chin.

Alegra Hueso is a sophomore majoring in creative writing.  Her column “In Love With the Edible” runs on Wednesdays in print and Fridays online.