Transitioning to college dating brings new challenges
Navigating the choppy waters of college dating is a visceral experience for many freshmen. Not that you develop an understanding of it after your first year — I have found that for many, the waters remain just as choppy for all four years. Companionship is a primal need, and dating rituals have been documented throughout the centuries in literature, paintings and sociological studies.
College dating could be an anthropological study in human behavior for millennials. A traditional date is virtually nonexistent in college. Many enjoyed the conventional dating scene in high school just a few short months ago, so why the sudden change?
Within the first two months on campus, you begin to realize that this is not your hometown and you are on your own. From my small amount of research, I hope to provide some insight for a balanced, healthy dating experience.
I have found that students who went to boarding schools have the least amount of trouble adapting to college dating. I initially assumed it was because of a lack of daily parental supervision, but that was last on their list of factors. The first thing to consider is the accessibility and proximity to your newfound friends. Your best friend now lives directly across the hall from you, and the person you have a crush on lives just in the next building, not across town. There is no waiting to see that person unless you decide to make yourself wait instead of inviting them out with you.
The lack of daily parental influence, though, is a factor. Unlike in high school, your parents are not driving you both around in those first couple of years or disapproving of your choices in junior and senior year, when many parents can put a stop to the relationship. It becomes a free-for-all, as several students explained it to me. While it might sound like the college atmosphere, the basic difference is that boarders were still young and keeping things in check while they eased into their new life. Alcohol was not readily available, nor were Greek parties. Before graduation, however, most had firsthand knowledge of the art of the casual “hook-up.”
Millennials have been labeled as the “All About Me” generation, obsessed with casual sex and instant gratification. But why? Some students felt that we are overwhelmed by our academics, athletics and social clubs that allow for absolutely no time for that one special person during college. In other words, I’m like a kid in a candy store for the first time and I want to try everything. Sex on college campuses has been around forever, so why has dating been thrown to the wayside? A very good male friend of mine explains it very simply: We don’t have to. Very good female friends have a more complicated answer: Why set yourself up for disappointment? Don’t be fooled by someone that you’ve just met at a frat party who thinks, “Do you want to hang out?” means going to dinner and a movie. My friends giggle that the movie will probably end up being on a laptop in his bedroom. So you might as well have the upper hand. Make the no-strings-attached hook-up your idea. Personally, I think it is the lack of respect our generation has for one another. I imagine the truth about dating lies somewhere in between.
Sociologist Paula England, Ph.D., conducted an online study of 20,000 college students from across the United States between 2005 and 2011. It showed that 61 percent of men and 68 percent of women do want a meaningful relationship. So the following dos and don’ts will go on the premise that Dr. England is correct. Let us dissect the first semester of freshmen year.
Ease up on yourself, and realize at least once in everyone’s college years you have been played. And guess what? So have they.
Don’t follow the crowd. You’ve already done that in high school. It’s not easy to break away from your group of friends because everyone wants to feel included. It’s okay not to be. Expand your horizons. Dump the mean girls and boys in your life.
Join a club that you love. You will find like-minded friends. Class is also a great place to start.
Do not give up on your true self. You can have a great time without giving up. That love of your life will come around.
Don’t gossip about your dates.
By the time you leave college, most students will have been dumped or have had a one-night stand. Both will make you stronger. Numerous one night stands, however, will not.
If you are being asked out over a text, it is most likely a booty call. Be up-front. Be nice.
Demand an in-person explanation if you have been stood up. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons.
Do not go to a party without a very good friend to watch out for you. On occasion, everyone imbibes a bit too much, which severely clouds judgment for both genders. Have a safety net in place.
Cassie Collins is a junior majoring in communication. Her column, “From Troy, with Love,” runs Wednesdays.