Breakup recovery must begin with a positive attitude

Breakups suck. Whether you are 21 years old and think you’ve lost the love of your life or just 14 and going through your first heartbreak, it feels like your whole world is coming to an end. You lose your appetite. Love songs remind you of that special someone. You are always on the verge of multiple emotional breakdowns.

 

I will never forget one of my worst breakups, when I could not go without crying for more than an hour — and that’s being generous. And, to be completely honest, college makes breakups only more difficult. In the “real world” when you and your significant other break up, you don’t have to worry about running into them at the Campus Center, the 9-0 or the frat parties that upcoming weekend, but unfortunately at USC, such encounters are inevitble. It should come as no surprise that the one person you do not want to see is the person you will probably see several times a week. Our campus of 18,000 undergrad students seems to turn into a small liberal arts college where everyone knows your business and there is seemingly no escape. Now when people ask how your relationship is, you have to reply sweetly, “We are no longer together,” and then comes the game of 20 questions. It seems that when someone is going through a difficult time, all social protocol goes out the window and your life becomes an episode of The Real Housewives. All you want to do is crawl into your bed and lie there for days.

One thing I have learned from past experiences is that you can control the pain. A great way to deal with the new loneliness is to fill your life with friendship. Call up your friends for a night out on the town, a movie or even just to do homework together. The first few days will feel like they go on for eternity, but friends are a great distraction. They may want to talk about the breakup and that is fine — for a little while there will be things you need to let out — but if you start to feel overwhelmed, tell them you want to move on from the subject. Relationships can be extremely time consuming and can distract us from other relationships, and we often forget to pay attention to those around us. Use this time to catch up on everything that has been going on with friends. There is nothing people love talking about more than themselves, and it will show them how much you still value you their friendship.

It is impossible to be with your friends 24/7, however, and running into your ex is almost inevitable, but there are ways of navigating the awkward run-in. There are a few factors that go into how you will react when running into your ex: If it was a messy breakup, if he/she dumped you, if you dumped them and what you’re feeling like that day. You have to put all of these factors and feelings aside, be as angry, sad or even happy as you want on the inside, but you must be externally cordial. First things first, you must smile and wave if you make eye contact — you both meant a lot to each other, and it hurts when you are not acknowledged by the other person. Your former significant other should not be treated as a stranger — part of the person you are at this point in your life is because of the time you spent with them. But even though you need to be nice, this does not mean you have to hug them. They may go in for the friendly hug, but you can say you do not think you’re ready to hug it out. That could potentially make them mad or upset, but remember that you have done nothing wrong, and at this point, you have to think about your mental well-being, not theirs. If they cared for you, they will understand that you cannot go from spending many nights together cuddling, to dealing with their absence and then finally to accepting personal contact.

Since I am fortunate enough to be a female and can understand sensitive side of the situation, this part will be directed at the women: Go ahead and eat that whole tub of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food. The first few days after a breakup are the hardest, and you need to do what will make you happy. When I had my bad breakup, my diet consisted of cookies (baked by my friends) and bacon for about two days. To some, this might not be the most delicious combination, but for me, it was my heaven away from hell. That being said, do not make it a habit. Stay healthy. Do not try to drop 25 pounds because you think it will make you feel better or binge eat because it’s what heroines in movies do. Try to maintain a balance. If you are happy loving your body and you believe you are fueling yourself in the right ways, that is what matters. All girls’ definitions of beauty and happiness are different, but no matter what your way is, you should indulge.

For me, after my binge eating episode, I wanted to prove to myself that I was going to be okay and prove to him that he did not break me. I treated myself to a spa day — not the expensive kind in Beverly Hills, but one in my apartment. I did my hair. I cleared my pores. I painted my nails, and I put on a killer outfit that made me feel beautiful. When I saw myself put together, I knew I did not need a man to make me happy or feel complete. The thing I needed most was to feel confident in myself, and I did. So ladies, do what makes you happy, eventually the pain will go away. I promise.

Cassie Collins is a junior majoring in communication. Her column, “From Troy, with Love,” runs Wednesdays.