Dating comes with a side of racial profiling

I have never truly been “single,” unless you want to count middle school and any time before that. Middle school Danielle — brace-faced, basketball shorts everyday — was the definition of #singleAF. So until everyone starts considering their middle school Xanga relationships as serious ones, I’m not counting.

Up until the most recent season of my life, I never fully embraced the state of being single. Since high school; there was always one guy or, to be real, a multitude of “interests.” My friends loved hearing me describe my new dates as if they were part of a monthly, semi-monthly or even bi-weekly newsletter subscription. My dating trends also always followed these guidelines — nothing would last longer than three months, he had to be from a different school or major, and we would never have the same ethnic background.

If dating could be compared to eating Skittles, my experience would be similar to tasting the rainbow … of culture. But if dating was actually like this, then Skittles would need to add more flavors to its packages. The guys I dated were of a myriad of ethnicities — Korean, black, Japanese, Filipino, white, Vietnamese, Mexican and Cambodian, just to name a few.

Cross-cultural dating is awesome. I love having cross-cultural interactions while still laughing about similar experiences of over-protective mothers or that one embarrassing uncle. But many times, it doesn’t start so sweet. Oftentimes, my first encounters with guys usually begin with, “What’s your ethnic background?”

Or, more likely, “You’re pretty — are you (insert any Asian but my real ethnic background here)?”

Or, sometimes, “You’re so beautiful, what are you?”

Or, rarely, “Where are you from?” often followed by, “No, like where are you from from?” because repeating the last word lets me know what you’re really asking.

The encounters I listed are only moderate within the scale of approaches toward me as an Asian woman. Don’t let me start on the commentary I get through social apps. But why is it that the majority of men who approach me try to assess me through my ethnic face?

To be clear, I don’t think that the basis of asking my cultural background is wrong. I think it’s wonderful to want to get to know someone and their ethnic background. Learning about someone’s upbringing and the role of culture and tradition in growing up is a beautiful, intimate conversation to have with someone. Perhaps that in this age of millennial dating people are searching for the quickest means of connecting to others, trying to appease personal curiosity while simultaneously seeking to pique the interest of another. And yes, culture is an amazingly interesting factor and especially so here at USC. There is a beauty in embracing each other for our differences and identities. But as a person of color, it’s often hurtful to see this uniqueness to be used unashamedly as a quick connect or key to judgment.

Don’t tell me my smile is beautiful, because you don’t see many Asian women smiling with their teeth. Or that I have a great tan, unlike my pale sisters. Or that you love exotic eyes. You are doing a disservice to me by racially profiling my “beautiful” face.

I know that I am not alone when it comes to being exoticized and fetishized as an Asian woman. I consistently see it, whether it be in a bar Downtown on a Friday night or through my friend’s Tinder message inbox. There is more to me than my almond shaped-eyes and jet black hair. There is more to my background than just my common surname. But are my Asian features the only interest?

Yes, culture is beautiful. Yes, it’s OK to ask. But let’s keep it tasteful, like Skittles, because judging me by my ethnic appearance isn’t beautiful or flattering.

Dani Chang is a senior majoring in cinematic arts, critical studies.  Her column, “Feisty Woman,” runs every other Friday.