Ask Hahney: Drunk Truths & How to Approach Them

I have a friend who is very good at masking her emotions with a smile. One day, we got drunk and she revealed a lot of hardship in life. When I followed up after some time, she pretended like nothing was wrong. I am worried about her, but I don’t want to press her too hard. What should I do?

You are a great friend for wanting to help.

To be fair, your friend is probably going through a lot on her own. She is probably stressed out that she said something. She may feel uncomfortable that she told you when she was drunk. Or, she might not remember that she told you. Either way, I would be very specific with her. Tell her about what concerns you. Repeat back what she said to you. Say how you feel and how that makes you worried about her. Express that you are asking because you care. That’s important. If she knows you’re coming from a good and caring place, she’ll feel more inclined to talk to you.

Also, give her space. Maybe she needs some time to clear her own head. If you want to be there for her, offer to go to quiet spaces with her. Offer to just grab coffee and listen. Be there and ask in what capacity she would like you to be there.

Lastly, if it’s really important and concerning, please do the following below:

• Please call SCS and ask to speak with the On-Call Counselor at (213) 740-7711

• After hours: call (213) 740-7711 and press 0 during the message to be connected with a licensed counselor

• For life threatening emergencies on-campus or near campus, call DPS at (213) 740-4321, or if you are off-campus, call 911 or go to your nearest Emergency Room