Ask Hahney: Groups are Limiting

Katlyn Lee | Daily Trojan


Q: I don’t feel like I belong to any particular friend group. What should I do?

Quite frankly, I think groups are limiting. When people situate themselves in a “friend group,” they may neglect potential new friendships that could change the course of their lives.

Dramatic, I know. But, I do think we often miss opportunities to forge relationships with new — and often, amazing — people because we don’t want to expand our circles.

I want you to know that you don’t have to belong to a particular group to have good friends. The most meaningful friendships are born out of true connections. Even in large friend groups, I see smaller cliques form. If you’re a new student on campus, I don’t think you should be focused on finding a right group. If it happens, it happens. Focus on making good friends. Just because you don’t belong to a singular friend group doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t have fruitful friendships.

Find friends that last. And to do that, I think you should establish what you want in any relationship. What type of friendship are you striving for? What do you want out of a particular friendship? Do you want someone to go on an adventure with you? Or do you want someone to emotionally vent to? We all need different people in our lives for different reasons. Focusing on finding a group where you have shallow relationships with five other people rather than focusing on friends that make you innately happy is a waste of time. Harsh, I know, but I’m just being honest.

Also, groups come at the most random times in life. So, don’t search for a group. Search for friends, and groups will eventually form. Strive for meaningful relationships. It’ll last longer!


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