Redefining ‘normal’ as a modern woman

Last week was a seriously bizarre time for me.

I went on my first ever Tinder date (it did not go well); cycled through a weekend-long existential crisis when I thought an ex-boyfriend had begun dating someone else (I was wrong); and most shocking of all, I learned reality star/makeup mogul Kylie Jenner is allegedly four months pregnant (I’m sure you can guess how I spent my Friday night — that’s right: poring through internet theories about the pregnancy).

It was — I repeat — a seriously bizarre time, and I went to bed on Sunday night fixated on three questions: Why have I not yet met that special someone? When, if ever, am I finally going to have children? Why am I so behind in life?

Kylie Jenner is nine months older than me, a multi-millionaire, and, if the rumors are true, about to become a mother. Meanwhile, I’m nigh on 19-and-a-half, and what am I doing? Accidentally sleeping through half of my classes, on the verge of completing my ninth rewatch of The Office and spending my weeknights hunched over the editorial desk in the Daily Trojan office — that’s what. I’m not an unhappy person by any stretch of the imagination, but my life right now just isn’t what I’d always pictured for myself.

I know that that’s perfectly OK. I know that just about every millennial woman is essentially in the same boat as I am, one way or another, and any college-aged woman whose life is exactly where she planned for it to be is not only an outlier, but also probably an alien. But seeing things logically doesn’t always have the power to comfort us emotionally, and that, too, is OK.

I’m a strong believer that fourth-wave feminism — or whichever wave it is we’re on — is the construct of three central components: acceptance, honesty and the celebration of diversity. Throughout the majority of history, women were required to be a monolithic group: Marry young, have kids immediately, stay at home and do chores. I strongly doubt any American woman in the 1950s whose life trajectory had, in all likelihood, been forced upon her, would look to me — a young woman pursuing higher education, on the brink of a self-determined professional career — and feel anything but envy.

In no uncertain terms, the fact that so many of us are doing so many different things, at so many different ages, in so many different places, is a victory for feminism.

That’s not to say that if a woman has any problems with the current state of her life, that she ought to suck it up and be grateful that she isn’t trapped within the confines of 1950s America. I know I’m blessed with privileges, opportunities and decision-making power that every one of my ancestors as well as American women throughout history would only have been able to dream of. But every now and then, between those oh-so-delightful Saturday morning “walks of shame” and nights falling asleep alone watching Netflix, I feel a twisted hollowness and regret wondering if I’ll ever have those things — a devoted husband, my own small litter of children, a cozy, nuclear family — that were forced on the generations of women who came before me.

Of course, these aren’t things all women want. To quote Parks and Recreation’s Leslie Knope, “If you want to bake a pie, that’s great. If you want to have a career, that’s great, too.”

We’re living through a period of “get yours” feminism, which is exactly what it sounds like — a time for women of all races, ethnicities and backgrounds to do what they want with their lives and bodies, and support other women doing what they want with their lives and bodies.

And to me, that’s where the honesty component comes in. It’s OK to question your direction in life, to have doubts and insecurities and to give voice to them. It’s OK to be frustrated and get angry and express yourself, and it’s OK to be frustrated and angry at things that you rationally know are ridiculous. Contrary to what most celebrity Instagram accounts would have you believe, women are human beings who go through real human experiences and feel real human emotions. Part of feminism is weathering the highs and the lows, and knowing that you’re welcome to talk about them. You can fully embrace all the tenets of feminism, and still sometimes feel bogged down and unempowered by everyday life. The movement is about being human, and being human is a universal, endless struggle.

At any rate, I guess this is just my convoluted way of saying that there’s no such thing as normal anymore. The pressures to  have this or be that at this particular time might still exist, and all the more so with the prevalence of social media. But no matter how many experiences we might share as women, we’re all going down our own paths at our own paces. Kylie Jenner will (or won’t) have her baby, and I’ll (try to) go to my 8 a.m. classes. Come November, Taylor Swift will drop a revenge album that may or may not shatter civilized society as we know it, and I’ll hunker down to finish re-watching The Office for the ninth time.

As millennial women, our freedom will sometimes be a source of heartache and struggle, just as it will sometimes be a source of triumph. All we can really do is be ourselves, see where that takes us and support our fellow femmes along the way.

Kylie Cheung is a sophomore majoring in journalism and political science. She is also the editorial director of the Daily Trojan. Her column, “Grab Back,” runs every other Friday.