‘The Masked Singer’ makes no sense

“The Masked Singer” aired its two-hour finale Wednesday night, concluding an nine-week run for Fox’s reality show (or, rather,nightmare). 

For those who’ve been living under a rock, the premise of “The Masked Singer” is this: 12 celebrities, draped head-to-toe in elaborate animal costumes, sing songs as they compete to stick around for another week. In each episode, one contestant is eliminated by popular vote until the last animal standing in the finale is crowned the winner. 

The word “celebrity” here is used very loosely though, as every single person involved in the show is at best C-list. In fact, the contestants’ mere agreement to be on “The Masked Singer” is tantamount to an admission that they’re washed up. After all, if their career were flourishing, they wouldn’t have the time to be shepherded around set wearing an oversized visor and a black hoodie emblazoned with “Don’t Talk To Me.” 

The panel of judges doesn’t fare much better; it consists of anti-vaxxer Jenny McCarthy, former Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger, comedian Ken Jeong and singer Robin Thicke — hardly Hollywood aristocracy. 

The judges, though, had no such reservations about shooting for the stars, as they threw out Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid as guesses for who was under the sexy alien mask sporting skintight pink latex. It’s understandably seductive to imagine the world’s top supermodels moonlighting on this ridiculous show, but the sheer implausibility can’t be denied, and it’s inevitably a little disappointing when the celebrities reveal themselves as not a member of the glitterati but someone kind of … lame. 

The guest judges, however, helped restore a slight measure of sanity. The show invited Joel McHale, J.B. Smoove and Kenan Thompson to join in on the fun, all of whom played the straight man to the panel’s enthusiastic embrace of the crazy. Perhaps tellingly, each guest found it imperative to mention just how weird the whole charade was, while making the same “What the hell did I just watch?” face as viewers at home.

“The Masked Singer” is based on a South Korean show called “King of Mask Singer.” But whatever lent the Korean show its entertainment value (which, clearly, was popular enough to merit an American remake) was lost in translation. Asian reality shows have a decidedly quirky bent, but their antics, when replicated for a Western audience, take on a tinge of menacing eccentricity.

Another glaring flaw with “The Masked Singer” is its weed-out method. For a singing competition that eliminates contestants strictly on the basis of their vocal talents and performing prowess, it seems like a no-brainer that the seasoned actor-singer-dancer triple threats would have a distinct advantage over the football players and the socialites. If the contestants were forced to perhaps navigate an obstacle course or write and deliver a five-minute stand-up, it would have probably leveled the playing field. 

Without spoiling anything — in case this article prompts someone to immediately binge all nine episodes on Hulu — the so-called “clue packages” only served to reinforce the rock-solid hypotheses as to who’s under the masks instead of providing new hints. After all, Twitter had already (correctly) guessed the identities of all the remaining contestants by the fourth or fifth week. 

And yet, the show kept its audience locked in. 

“The Masked Singer” obviously possesses some sort of je ne sais quois, considering its debut was Fox’s highest-rated for an unscripted series, and it just got renewed for a second season. If you enjoy “American Idol” and the board game Guess Who?; if you’re a closeted furry who yearns for mainstream media to validate your lifestyle; if you want proof that we have, in fact, stumbled into the dark timeline and everything that’s happened since the 2016 election is the product of a collective fever dream — then look no further than “The Masked Singer.”