That’s Fashion, Sweetie: Zapped jewelry and marriage

Over Thanksgiving break, I headed with my family over to Soho in New York City, where I indulged myself with food, high school friends, late-night work and shopping. While my shopping cart consisted of Black Friday deals and puffer jackets to soothe my inner East Coast soul, my strangest purchase was a birthday gift for my sister and me: matching zapped bracelets from CatBird’s welding annex. 

For those who don’t know what zapped bracelets are, they are bracelets with the clasp welded shut so that you can’t take them off. While this was a bit of an expensive gift — with prices ranging from $98 to $334 per bracelet — part of the bracelet’s charm wasn’t the fact that it was a special bonding gift between my sister and me, but, especially because we had lived in different countries and opposite coasts for the past five years, we love taking any chance to be closer together in little ways. 

But this weird experience with jewelry made me think about another concept I have been grappling with: marriage. I understand what marriage is —the fact that it’s not for everyone, and that it’s a legal bond — but the concept has always felt foreign. If the relationship with your partner still exists in the same deeply caring and loving state without the legal aspect, why get the government involved in the relationship? 

Is it to prove some sort of love? To finesse some gifts from a registry? Or just to take one step above all others; a superior level of love to show to the world that you care about someone so much you are legally bound to them?

I want to be clear that I don’t hate the idea of marriage. I, too, have shamefully already picked out my dream engagement and wedding ring — intricate hands holding the gems created by Anthony Lent. I fantasize about the guy who would make life just a little easier and everyone fawning over me as I stride down the aisle (I still sweat at the thought of my first dance, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.) 

But, in all honesty, I feel that marriage has become this big, scary shadow to some because of the way society has framed it. People have already gawked at my bracelet, asking me why I wanted a permanent one — but how come they don’t react the same to marriage? Even last Saturday at Friendsgiving, we discussed who from our high school class we would marry, but the question was framed more like: 

“Ok, if you had to marry someone from our class, who would it be? And remember I said marry. Like marry.”

I believe a lot of this strange stigma and intense pressure has to do with the history of marriage, and its varying cultural significance to different communities. 

For example, wedding traditions in the United States are different from those in Japan, just as Japan’s are different from those in India. At the same time, marriage is an exclusive luxury; not everyone can get married where they are, and many people can’t marry the people they want to be with. Of course, with this idea of legal obligation and infinity that comes with traditional interpretations of marriage, it is no wonder that people have begun to shy away from it. 

And don’t even get me started on marriages that don’t run their full course. To this day, I don’t understand why it is a shameful thing to be divorced or to be a single parent, especially if you aren’t the cause of the marriage’s demise. When people get a parking ticket for breaking the law, it’s no big deal. But when people consensually decide to split their legal marriage, it’s suddenly hush-hush and a topic to avoid. 

So, by extension, wouldn’t a ring essentially be a self-welded bracelet? Not a trap to chain to someone or something but an action of choice?

I believe that my ideas of marriage will obviously change over time. I have yet to experience being in love and, currently, in my era of utterly loving myself, have found great comfort and happiness in following “Glee’s” very own Sue Sylvester’s path of marrying herself. 

But until I come to a better conclusion that stems from a place other than an 18-year-old brain, I’ll live peacefully with my friends, my family and my zapped bracelet. 

Happy holidays.

Stay safe out there.

Hadyn Phillips is a freshman writing about fashion in the 21st century, specifically spotlighting students and popular controversy. Her column, “That’s Fashion, Sweetie,” ran every other Tuesday.