Free Play: I’m not going back to the kitchen

“Go back to the kitchen!” 

As a woman who plays video games — competitive shooter games, might I add — I’ve heard this nauseating phrase far too many times to count. Since I had my first taste of competitive gaming, I’ve faced my fair share of misogynists, xenophobes and plain old creeps. 

Despite the hours I’ve put into the game and my in-game rank, men still continue to put me down and hurl insults into my ear for simply being a woman. By all means, I’m not the best “Valorant” player to ever touch a keyboard and a mouse, but I know I’m not the worst player in the world. I know my own skills, and I’m aware when I’m having a bad day or not hitting the shots I should be hitting. 

But to yell at me when I’m doing better than you? That’s rich. 

I was playing “Valorant” alongside two of my friends, and I was having a good day. I was top fragging, getting critical kills and communicating clearly with my friends. The second I jumped to the top of the leaderboard, one of my teammates shouted into his mic, “Stop playing the game and go back to the kitchen, bitch.” 

I was in complete shock. I was carrying him and our team, and he had the audacity to yell at me and say that? I shook it off, but the harassment was relentless. “Make me a sandwich” and “you dishwasher” were among the insults hurled at me that I tried my best to ignore. My friends, being the decent people they are, stood up for me — but I still couldn’t shake off the destructive blow to my confidence. 

That’s when I realized that no matter how well you do in a game or how clear your comms are, women are always, always put down. No matter what. 

In competitive team shooter games, communication is essential. Deciding whether to default or rush, to save or full buy, identifying the locations of enemies and calling out for utility are all only accomplished through good comms. 

I know how important communication is to the success of a game, and everyone at my rank knows it too — so why do men choose to undermine winning a game just for the revolting satisfaction of upsetting a woman?

The second I speak into the mic, one of three situations will follow.

The first and most common one is “Oh my God, are you a girl?” or “Is that a girl or a squeaker?” Once they determine I’m a woman, it’s usually followed by, “Go back to the kitchen, bitch!” I’ve been called a dishwasher and professional sandwich-maker so many times that I’m unfazed by it. I’m not shocked, disappointed or angry. I’ve been so desensitized to it that I don’t feel anything. I simply mute the whole team and focus on my performance. 

The second one is “Add me to your friends list,” followed by constant harassment of “What’s your Instagram?” and “Do you stream on Twitch?” I absolutely hate this response. Sure, they’re not technically being misogynistic or sexist, but just because you’ve never touched a woman doesn’t mean I want to be your e-girl. You wouldn’t ask another dude for his Instagram the second he touches the mic, so why are you asking me?

The third situation — the best and rarest one — is no reaction or a normal response. When I comm, “Guys, let’s stack A, I’m pretty sure they’re going to try to hit it,” and I hear a reply, “Sounds good, I’ll drone out A main,” it’s music to my ears. I can’t even describe how happy I get when I speak into the mic and don’t get harassed or yelled at, and instead get treated like a normal human being — and this is honestly disappointing. 

Why do I get happy when I get treated like a man in video games? Why can’t women rely on the gaming community to be a safe space to improve their skills, grow as people and have fun? I will never understand why it’s so rare for men to treat women like normal human beings when it’s so easy. What sort of sick satisfaction do they receive from yelling insults at women over a virtual rank?

The constant harassment from men in competitive shooter games has made me avoid solo queuing at all costs. It’s sad that I’m only comfortable with playing competitive video games alongside my friends and my boyfriend, despite how much I enjoy it. 

I think I love games too much to ever stop playing, but, understandably, not everyone can withstand the never-ending hatred that seeps out of a 25-inch screen. A survey conducted by a market research firm, Bryter, found that 72% of women have experienced gaming toxicity, and 1 in 5 women online gamers quit entirely because of this toxicity.  

The gaming industry and community are dominated by men, but come on. We’re Gen Z and it’s 2023 — shouldn’t we try to change that? Women are not dishwashers or professional sandwich-makers. We vote, we learn, we work. We do everything a man can do — so why should that be any different in video games?

We want to freeze people in “Overwatch 2,” we want to click heads in “Valorant” and we want to play characters other than “Lux” in “League of Legends.” But we can’t do any of this if men keep putting us down for no reason other than who we are. 

To truly foster change, men need to stand up for the women being harassed. Don’t be a bystander when a toxic teammate is screaming at a woman. Don’t tell them to mute the jackass in-game. Stand up for them verbally, and tell them that it’s not right, even if you get called a disgusting name because, trust me, whatever name you get called is nothing compared to what women in gaming face daily. 

Rally with women in games, because I will not be going back to the kitchen. I’m comfortable right where I am. 

Chloe Thien is a junior writing about video games. Her column, “Free Play,” runs every other Friday. She is also the co-chief copy editor at the Daily Trojan.