A gay’s guide to Grindr and goings-on at USC

There’s nothing like the shared trauma that every LGBTQIA+ Trojan has experienced — like realizing that your bi-coded campus crush is actually just a heterosexual who copied their style from TikTok, or passing by a familiar person on Trousdale Parkway wondering if you recognized them from class or Grindr.

But you don’t have to raw-dog the beginning of this school year. No, let us elder gays will clue you in on how to navigate the most chaotic two weeks of your life.

New starts, new names

No one here knows you … yet. This is your best chance to decide who you’re going to be in college (no pressure). If you feel like your given name just isn’t giving what you need, then you can give the school your chosen name.

Though the University’s legal documents will continue to have your legal name, there are numerous ways to add your chosen name and pronouns to University-related information. You can change your own username on your email address, and myUSC profile on ExperienceUSC. You can also request for gender identity accommodations through the Office for Equity, Equal Opportunity, and Title IX for changes to your NetID or get a new USC ID card.

We shouldn’t have to live with dysphoria — isn’t heteronormativity already awful enough?

LGBTQ+ Student Center

Located on the fourth floor of the Student Union Building, this space has a queer library, a study room and chill people who you can kiki with! Ever mentioned a childhood trauma, only to be met with a resounding “me too!”? Either way, come check out one of their weekly affinity groups. There’s even a few intersectional ones like Queer & Trans Asian Pacific Islanders where you can find your chosen family.

There are also quite a few annual events organized by USC’s Queer and Ally Student Assembly that you should input into your Google Calendar. The Second Chance Prom helps queer students do-over their high school experiences, and the Drag Show is one of the biggest collegiate shows in the country. (Who knows, you may even see Mother Dacity there.)

If that wasn’t enough to convince you, there’s also free food … and condoms. The center has been at USC for a very long time, and the resources they have are abundant. So stop by. I promise it’ll be worth it.

Grindr

By now, you’ve probably heard of the “Freshman 15.” However, for us gays, this number doesn’t necessarily mean exploring the extremely expensive — yet incredibly restricted — meal plans, but those first 15 minutes you spend on Grindr.

Setting up your profile will be one of the defining moments of your queer journey. In this time, you’ll have to concretely decide what “tribe” you belong to, which faceless picture perfectly encapsulates your energy and which of the secret photos you’ll be downloading from your “My Eyes Only” folder.

Now, some (most) of you know what it’s like to lie on a dating app. Age, height, hobbies — but I’m here to tell you that fibbing will take you from “turn-on” to “turn-down.” If someone doesn’t like you for who you really are, they’re not worth it. Seriously. So lower those number of inches (of height, of course) and be honest.

Bear, jock, twink, otter — all these words can be overwhelming, but remember that these groupings aren’t a role you have to fulfill. You don’t have to fit into the casting call of Troye Sivan’s “Rush” music video to find your community.

Grindr is a wet and wild world, so don’t get stuck in it. And for heaven’s sake, please ask for a face picture first.

How to bingo in WeHo

You’ve finally made it. The dreamy “La La Land” (2016), the refuge that Chappell Roan sang about in her single “Pink Pony Club” — it’s all here. Though there’s much to do as a new Trojan within the Shryft zone, the time will come when you venture over to the gayest lane in Los Angeles: West Hollywood.

Before you go to this infamous “Sodomy and Gamorra,” take time to reflect on what exactly you’re comfortable with. There’s a lot fun and freaky philandering to be done here, so make sure you (and your new gay friends from the center) know how you like to have fun!

A Ms. Dacity tip: Check out Eventbrite for fun 18+ events happening each week. That one Thursday night club with all its predatory old “tigers” isn’t the only option for a fun night.

Birds, Bees and Big Bouncy Booties

You may have the S-E-X talk with your parents, but chances are they skipped over the gay-ssentials. Here are my rainbow rules for rowdy and rambunctious romps:

1. Don the Trojan. This way, just like a Barbenheimer party, you can “come” in theme. While same-sex sex may not be the easiest way to get pregnant, there are a whole lot of STDs. Cover your stump before you hump!
2. Do your best to test! If it’s itchy, it’s usually a sign you should pay attention to. If you’re under the student health insurance plan , it’ll cover your visit to the Engemann Student Health Center to take an STI test. When it comes to HIV, most insurance plans are required to cover HIV testing by the Affordable Care Act. There are also organizations, such as AIDS Healthcare Foundation – Los Angeles, that offer testing services at no cost to patients. Even if you don’t feel physical red flags, stay on the safe side.
3. Keep the conversation going. Talk with your partner(s)! Let them know what makes you feel good, and what doesn’t. It’s better to have GOOD sex than a lot of it. It’s also a great time to ask the STI question.
4. PrEP yourself. Meet pre-exposure prophylaxis! It’s a routine prescription medicine to take before you’re exposed to HIV to help reduce your chances of getting it, and the CDC actually recommends that ALL sexually active people be informed about PrEP for the prevention of HIV.

There you have it. Now you have no excuses to sashay away into your flop era like Simu Liu circa 2021 — the straight hell hath no fury like a queer person scorned. Is there any more I have to say?