As the weather becomes chillier and we start to trade in our tank tops for sweatshirts, school has been rapidly picking up pace with midterms in full swing and new assignments replacing the old ones that we were so relieved to check off our list. With the influx of these assignments comes an intense pressure to perform well, to be Rory Gilmore and attain that perfect grade under any and all circumstances. This is a tall order for any college student juggling their academics, internships and relationships. 

By week nine of my freshman year, I was tired of logging onto Blackboard to see a new submission tab sitting in the assignments folder, blinking back at me unaware of the internal turmoil it was causing. I was already slumping in my chair, burnt out from just a few short weeks of class. 

After trying and failing and then trying again to find a motivator, I stumbled across TikTok’s new hidden niche: StudyTok. Now, I know this sounds silly, but just bear with me: These videos would stop me from my aimless scrolling and force me back to my German verb conjugation or English essay, and I fell effortlessly into the rabbit hole. 

They played on the toxic mentality that anything under an “A” is simply unacceptable, equal in offense to murder in the first degree. A particular video encourages viewers to study by insulting them. This quest for so-called “perfectionism” through relentless studying, for me, seemed unattainable — grazing the tips of the fingers of my outstretched hand instead of fitting snugly in my palm. Why then, even with the knowledge of this toxicity, did I feel such reproach at taking short breaks to grab a matcha from DULCE or have a quick catch up session with my friends?

TikTok has provided a platform for toxic motivation through StudyTok. While these videos may provide short intense bursts of productivity, they are unsustainable because spending endless hours, without breaks staring at a screen or poring over a textbook is both mentally and physically draining. While the media sets us on this quest to get a perfect grade, it is important to remind ourselves it is equally as important for us to spend time away from work without feeling overwhelming guilt.

I would often find myself spending hours with my roommates simply catching up about our day or at a party, dancing to some deplorable remix that I probably shouldn’t have enjoyed as much as I did. My mind, however, was consumed by the idea that I could be cooped up working towards an assignment, an essay — basically just working. Last year, I was practically married to my rickety wooden desk at Birnkrant Residential College, only leaving it occasionally to frequent Everybody’s Kitchen solely because of the biological need to both socialize and eat.

 I presumed that what I was doing was for the best — the most effective way to get those perfect grades and coveted internships. At least that’s what the internet was always telling me. And so began a cycle of working, getting the grade and working again. An endless, mind-numbing cycle so dull that it pains me to write about. By the end of the semester, I was so burnt out, exhausted and barely able to cope with the end-of-semester frenzy.  

Now, I’m not saying that you should toss aside your assignments and skip all your lectures to meet up with friends and take trips to Malibu. What I am saying is that it is important to recognize that social media can fuel a toxic study mindset that is simply not feasible in the long run. Sophomore year me is a lot less attached to my desk — and is definitely reaping the benefits of it. 

College is a life built on balance and sacrifice. You may be condemned to trade in one night walking down Frat Row on the hunt for the least “dead” party for tucking yourself away in a chair at Leavey Library with your laptop. Or on the flip side, you may decide that your assignment due a week later doesn’t need looking into at that moment and you can enjoy a nice Friday brunch with your roommates. 

I haven’t discovered the perfect recipe to balance my academics and social life, and I honestly don’t think it exists. What I do know now is that devoting all my time to studying just because an app guilt-tripped me into it is not a sustainable way to navigate my college life.