When I think about academic competition, I think of a joke about grades that I’ve heard get tossed around a lot growing up: An A is “average,” a B is “below average,” a C is “can’t have dinner,” a D is “don’t even think about coming home” and an F is “find a new home.” I hate playing into stereotypes, but growing up with Asian parents meant academic success was prioritized over practically everything else. 

If I didn’t achieve all A’s, I experienced strong feelings of shame, self-loathing and disappointment. I pushed myself to study for long periods of time, even if it meant sacrificing sleep or leisure time. To me, the sacrifice was worth it; the exhaustion I felt was replaced with feelings of satisfaction and confidence whenever I achieved an A. For the longest time, that was enough — until I found that I had to outperform my peers in all academic avenues.

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This realization came about when I first started attending high school. My high school was a private college preparatory school that prides itself on sending a majority of its students to prestigious universities like USC. For most of my life before high school, I was a public school student — entering a faster-paced and purely competitive academic setting was difficult, to put it lightly. 

I started fixating on how my peers studied and what grades they were getting. My thoughts changed from “I can study for three hours today and maybe see Robbie and Victoria later,” to “Okay, if Robbie is studying for four hours, I can study for six and probably score higher than him. Wait, but Victoria is using Quizlet to memorize the Spanish vocabulary. I know! I’ll use Quizlet for six hours — that’ll be enough to beat them!”

I now find myself in a similar situation as a transfer student at USC. Like my high school, USC has many high performing students who are able to achieve high grades, win academic awards and distinguish themselves from the rest of the crowd. Yet, the stakes feel much higher — failing here means potentially not being able to find a job, enter higher levels of education or even connect with others.

My parents’ expectations, which were already high to begin with, now feel impossible to meet. A 2022 study published in Current Psychology found that many parents rely on negative comparison to motivate their children; that is to say, parents often focus on their children’s mistakes and lose confidence in them when they don’t meet their expectations. I find myself mirroring my parents’ mentality — I berate myself for missing points on assignments, and as a result I can’t fully trust in my abilities. No matter what I do, it’s never enough.

In viewing academics as a way to stand out and compare myself to other students, I realize that I have destroyed myself. I can’t look past my mistakes. My mental wellbeing now solely hinges on whether or not I can perform well academically and meet my own expectations. When I don’t do well, I feel as if I am spiraling out of control emotionally. I am prone to experiencing panic attacks, emotional distress and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. Even when I do succeed, I don’t feel strong feelings of pride anymore. I simply feel as if I have achieved the bare minimum because I am already expected to do well. 

Such feelings are common in students who are influenced by the phenomenon of social academic comparison. A 2021 study published in School Mental Health found that students who compared themselves to their peers were more likely to see themselves as inferior, and were thus more likely to develop depression. 

This vicious cycle that is perpetuated by academic social comparison is clearly unsustainable and unhealthy. While it is a difficult cycle to break, it is not impossible. A 2023 research article published in Springer Nature’s Social Psychology of Education forum indicated that students with growth mindsets were less likely to develop negative self images because they focused on their own understanding of concepts rather than looking at their peers. 

I never really considered a growth mindset as a way to address the issue of social academic comparison; yet, it makes sense in practice. I realize now that I have to take more time to understand my own capabilities and focus less on what my peers have achieved. I have to be my number one priority, and I have to be able to cheer myself on even when I face difficulties.

Developing a growth mindset does take time, especially if students are already used to comparing themselves to their peers. However, coping with academic social comparison is to take the healing process one step at a time — and I am willing to take the first step.