I became addicted to journalism during my junior year of high school. 

I, along with the three other co-editors of my school’s newspaper, broke a story about the head of our guidance department being charged with multiple counts of professional misconduct. Long story short, our administration censored the article and we fought back, making national headlines and resulting in a new media policy for our school district. 

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Throughout the few months when we were most in the spotlight, journalism became my entire world; school and extracurriculars faded into the background — and they’ve stayed that way ever since. It’s rare that, at a young age, you can tangibly see the impact your work has on the community around you. Essays and physics tests seemed pointless in comparison. 

But I almost didn’t even apply to journalism school. By my senior year of high school, I had a severe case of imposter syndrome. I was barely writing stories, and although I told myself it was because I was consumed by my editor-in-chief duties, deep down I knew an intense fear of criticism was holding me back. However, somehow, about two weeks before college applications were due, I had a gut feeling that I had to at least try to be a journalist. So, I quickly rearranged my school list and the rest is history. 

That was just the beginning of an eternal game of tug-of-war between the journalism field and me. As I detailed in my last “Editors’ Epilogue,” I almost dropped out of USC entirely the summer after my freshman year. I didn’t feel like I was built to be a college student, let alone a journalist. I don’t know what it was — a voice, a force, an instinct — but once again, something called me back to reporting.  

I will be forever grateful for the news editors that following semester who trusted me with some of the most important stories I’ve worked on in my time at the Daily Trojan: I covered the protests against Sigma Nu, people violating campus coronavirus protocols, a professor who testified in front of United States Congress — my passion was reignited, and stronger than ever.

It stayed that way for a while. I eagerly rose through the ranks, and each semester I grew more confident and the negative voice inside me became softer. The Daily Trojan became one of my homes at USC, one of the first places where I truly felt like I belonged. 

But recently, that voice has been getting louder again, although for different reasons. Stepping away from journalism has crossed my mind more times this semester than ever before. I wish I could say my editor-in-chief reign was all that I had hoped for, but that wouldn’t be the full truth. 

I knew that, in running for editor-in-chief, I was surrendering to the universe. No matter what would happen at the University, and in the world, from June to December, it would ultimately fall on my shoulders to share with the USC community. I knew I had a challenge ahead of me in leading the transition to a new newsroom, but I never expected four editors stepping down for personal reasons. I especially didn’t expect having to navigate the effects on campus of the Israel-Hamas war — a conflict that many members of the University community have personal ties to, making criticism inevitable and coverage seem nearly impossible.  

As a result, my grades aren’t looking great. My friends have seen me cry more times this semester than over the past three years combined. I had to edit articles on my phone when I was out with my parents who flew across the country to see me, and never enjoyed downtime because I knew the next issue I’d have to deal with was just around the corner. 

It’s not just this semester. If I had a “USC Wrapped,” my data would be full of dinners I couldn’t make it to, late assignments I’ve racked up because I was too busy editing, tears I’ve shed and journal pages I’ve written about things that have happened in my time at this paper. It’s not normal or healthy to be dealing with intense subject matter nearly every day; I don’t even want to know how my brain chemistry has changed as a result. 

It sounds absurd, but despite all of this, I probably won’t stop being a journalist any time soon. Looking forward, I’ll admit I yearn for the idea of a slow life — one where I wouldn’t have to be attached to a screen 24/7. I dream of working in an industry where I won’t face daily public criticism, where something can happen in the world and I can simply pause, think for a second and go about my day. But ultimately, journalism found me time and time again when I was at my lowest, and my passion for storytelling will never fade. 

I try not to let the bad moments at the Daily Trojan overshadow the good ones: I’ve learned an immense amount about myself as a leader, a journalist and a person. I’m incredibly proud of the work we’ve published. In my time as an editor, we’ve received statewide and national awards, published a number of special issues, introduced Spanish language supplements and improved our staff development section, among many other accomplishments. Most importantly, I’ve created what I hope are long-lasting bonds with other student journalists after going through this painfully unique experience together. 

It’s because of the Daily Trojan that I declared a second major in political science and was able to write about local politics for a nonprofit newsroom in my hometown. The Daily Trojan allowed me to foster my interest in astrology through my column, “Written in the Stars.” I became more comfortable with vulnerability after I published my last “Editors’ Epilogue” — nearly every day I think about the messages I received after its publication, and how proud I am that I put such universal feelings into words. 

For a while, my journalism journey was about proving to myself that I am enough — showing my younger self that she’s more than capable of achieving anything she dreams of, even if she’s never felt like the smartest person in the room. But throughout the process, I’ve accidentally fallen into the most ambivalent relationship I’ve ever known. My brain and body are addicted to the rush of breaking news, of seeing my name on a byline, of knowing I’m providing communities with the information they need to confidently navigate the world while knowing what’s going on around them. 

And I know that, no matter where I am even 20 years from now, I’ll always be a journalist at heart. That I’ll be longing for the days I was in the newsroom until 3 a.m., editing articles in class or writing a tweet in the Dulce line. Life will never be as chaotic, exhausting and rewarding as it is right now, and there’s something bittersweet about moving on from that. 

“Editors’ Epilogue” is a rotating column featuring a new Daily Trojan editor in each installment writing about their personal experiences. Jenna Peterson is a senior majoring in journalism and political science and the editor-in-chief of the Daily Trojan.