The past year has been stressful, and not because of work or because I cooked for myself for the first time — honestly, letting me near the stove is a fire hazard — but because of internship applications. While my spreadsheet will tell you I only applied to 113, at one point I was applying to so many that I stopped keeping track. 

Recently, as the final offers began rolling in, I’ve had some relief; I’m incredibly grateful that my hard work has led to some amazing opportunities that align with my career goals. But, I’m going to be a bit selfish for a moment and ask — couldn’t they have come two weeks earlier and saved me from a quarter-life crisis? 

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All that time on the phone with my parents, barely forming words in between my hysterical sobs, telling them this country hates me and I should just return to India forever because no one is willing to give me a job, made me reevaluate some of my life choices. 

I was obsessed with getting a summer internship in the United States. My wish list was getting a U.S. internship, Shawn and Camila getting back together and my Python code miraculously starting to work. 

But, over spring break, I visited my friends and sister in London, where I was enveloped in an unfathomable amount of love, and I realized that perhaps going home wasn’t all that bad. I could do a lot worse than being with people who make me feel seen, valued and cherished. 

I think my obsession with getting an internship in the U.S. stems from the pressure of making the thousands of dollars my family pours into this school worth it. I want to create a good life here, and that means getting a summer internship, which could lead to a return offer, which could lead to me staying here and then maybe even making a tenth of what I have spent at USC.

A lot of international students like myself believe in the American dream and strive to achieve the success promised through hard work — and that includes summer internships. But this pressure to make these life-altering decisions and attain a certain life is too much for a 19-year-old. 

London reminded me of the importance of slowing down and taking a moment to think about what I want in the present, and if I even know what I want in the future. By previously disregarding the positives of going home, I wasn’t giving that option a fair shot. There are so many factors that come into play, especially as an international student who doesn’t have the option to casually hop on a 21-hour flight to go home for the weekend. 

For example, to intern in the U.S., international students have to register for a one-unit class at USC — which costs $2,244 — yes, I’m literally paying USC to let me work and earn money. Or if I decide to stay here in the long run, this would be the last time I would get to go home for three months in one stretch. 

I lost sight of how there’s no place like home until I met people from home, who made me nostalgic for all that warmth, happiness and peace. Is staying in the U.S. what I truly want?

Today, as I write this article and ponder over this question for myself, I’m not trying to bias anyone toward any “right” answer. Rather, everyone should be able to answer the question without being pushed over the brink by a crisis like I was. It’s important to know that, either way, you will be just fine. 

I know it’s hard to objectively consider all the factors when you may be biased by the prospect of a better future, or the desire to spend time in the comfort of your home, but it’s still important. You have to try to treat it just as a summer internship, rather than an experience shouldering the weight of your entire future. 

So take that trip to Europe, spend your summer binge-watching movies with your family or get a 9-to-5 job where you can apply your classroom knowledge — if that’s what you need. I promise, one summer less on your resume because you prioritized yourself, or one extra summer because you wanted better exposure to your chosen field, isn’t going to make or break your career. 

Edhita Singhal is a sophomore from India writing about her experiences as an international student in her column, “Foreign Footprints,” which runs every other Tuesday.