Tipping culture has gotten out of control. Specifically in regards to the food industry, the tipping model in the United States is fundamentally broken and unsustainable — placing undue pressure on patrons to provide a livable wage to workers and creating a stressful social ritual in the lives of ordinary people.

The practice originated in Europe during the Middle Ages when wealthy elites would give extra money to the working class for their services. Gratuity, often calculated by percentage, can show up in different forms, some more sinister than others. 

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In a sit-down restaurant, gratuity is traditionally added onto a check at the end when the customers have finished their meal. The employee typically leaves the bill with the party, and the tip is then worked out. In fast food restaurants, the fast-paced environment creates  uncertainty of whether or not to tip, but generally there is no expectation to. 

These are just a couple of the business models out there, but one thing that bridges them all is how they incorporate tipping in an increasingly cashless economy. In a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 41% of U.S. adults said in an average week, they made none of their purchases using cash. This is an increase from 29% in 2018.

The hallmark of cashless tipping is the phenomenon of the dreaded iPad flip: the joke here being that after paying for your item, the employee in front of you flips the screen of their point-of-sale terminal to reveal a prompt with various tipping options. User @aubreygracep on TikTok published a video with over 3 million views at the time of publication making a joke of the iPad flip, with the employee in the skit pressuring the customer. 

The iPad flip set the stage for one of the most obscure and stress-inducing exchanges in our day-to-day lives. For about two years in high school, I was the “iPad flipper.” I worked summers as an ice cream scooper for a small Black-owned business in New Jersey and it changed my outlook on tipping.

I should mention that I never forced people to give me tips, nor did I treat them differently if they didn’t, but there were definitely things I noticed that would increase my odds.

In my experience, tipping, for the customer and the employee, was a dance.

The first and most important part was conversation. In an attempt to get the customer to avoid realizing how expensive our ice cream was — it was $10 for two scoops, around $12 with tax — I learned how to distract customers with jokes or banter. 

After looking a customer up and down I would either comment on a piece of clothing they had on or on their ice cream selection, but the goal was the same: to make them feel welcomed and happy. If I made them laugh, I almost always got a tip. 

Next was eye contact. Once I flipped the iPad, I would make it a point to look anywhere else but at the customer.

I did this for two main reasons. One, it felt awkward to stare at a stranger who would ultimately decide how much I could spend on boba after my shift, but also because I found it made the customer less anxious and more willing to tip. If the customer was rude to me, however, I made it a point to stare at them like a haunted doll.

Because I worked at an ice cream shop in the summer, the place would often fill up fast. As stressful as that was for our crew of angst-filled teenagers, it led me to notice how the iPad tipping system relies partially on peer pressure to encourage tipping from customers.

From my time scooping, I noticed that if the line was long and the customer had someone right behind them, they would tip more frequently than not. However limited my personal experience is, I can say that the pressure from customers around you — a sort of silent shame if you don’t tip well — is enough to force people to panic and hit “tip” most of the time. 

There are also external influences. In the International Journal of Hospitality Management, researchers established across three studies that when emojis are included with tip suggestions during the payment process, customers tip at higher rates. 

I’m not saying don’t tip, because many Americans rely on tips to make a living. Instead, consider that it’s not your duty to solve the problem. Tip because you want to or are able, but don’t tip out of shame or cave into peer pressure.