If pop culture has taught me one lesson, it’s that the love of my life or best friend is just one second of eye contact away. The moment our eyes lock, I’ll feel that spark of connection, and boom, I’ll know that they will be by my side for the rest of my life. From classics like “Titanic” (1997) to sitcoms like “How I Met Your Mother” to the latest teen rom-coms like “The Kissing Booth” (2018) — where Elle (Joey King) and Lee (Joel Courtney) became best friends at birth — we have been brainwashed to prioritize that spark. Why is the immediate connection so important?

Perhaps we are just too lazy to put in the effort to truly get to know someone before calling them our best friend forever. Or, perhaps, in the age of technology, where we are used to getting whatever our hearts desire in a matter of seconds, we are just too impatient to spend time finding the perfect friend or partner. 

Daily headlines, sent straight to your inbox.

Subscribe to our newsletter to keep up with the latest at and around USC.

Or, maybe, no one actually feels the spark, and it’s all just a façade because we feel the pressure to conform to social expectations. Especially at college, where you see two strangers morph into one person in just a few days, the idea of not finding “your” person immediately is hard. The fear of missing out on all the joys of discovering your best friend or your partner at college makes you latch onto the first person you see, even if they are far from your ideal person.

I’m not trying to generalize that all immediate friendships and relationships are bad. I’m sure some people meet their best friends who genuinely care, love and look out for them on the first day of college. They felt the fireworks and it worked out perfectly for them, but for me, it takes trial and error until I find someone who is just right. Call me the Goldilocks of friendship, if you please. I’d prefer that over spending 24/7 with my supposed “ride or die” from the first day of college with whom I don’t actually get along.

I don’t blame people who do that, though; it’s hard not to buckle under the expectation of making your best friends quickly. It’s an unfortunate reality, but patience is seen as a virtue until it comes to friendships. I wish we all knew that just because we posted a story with a friend saying, “A 1 since Day 1,” doesn’t mean we need to stick out a toxic friendship. I had a friend who knew every insignificant detail about my life since the first day of high school, but I soon realized that our friendship only further bred my anxiety and insecurities. It took me a long time to realize that being so close to her on the first day of school didn’t warrant putting myself through that torture. 

Good friendships often take time to develop, and in the long run, we are all better off investing our time in people who are the right fit for us rather than instantaneous friendships, whose sparks may wear off.

Some of my best friendships have developed over time, without that immediate “spark.” I met my childhood best friend on my first day of school, but she became my go-to person only a year later when I left the school. My college best friend and I were suitemates in our freshman year, but we only became inseparable after living together for two years. 

While I met both friends early on in my school or college journey, I only became close to them after spending countless hours getting to know them. There was no immediate spark on day one, but a gradual spark built up by the time we hit day 365.

In the end, there is, of course, no one right way to make lifelong friends. Don’t feel compelled to develop superficial bonds with people you don’t see yourself getting along with in the long run just because you believe you are expected to do that. Living up to this in college is tough, where everyone is scrambling to make friends. Every time the urge to rush into a new friendship arises, I remind myself that good things take time, and the payoff — supportive friends who genuinely care about you — is worth the wait.