They say romance is dead — I think the situationship has killed it. The gray area of a not-quite relationship seems to be the calling card of Gen-Z dating. The ambiguous, non-committal situationship need not be exclusive or given a label. In fact, these are seen as some of its major selling points. 

Though tempting for its no-strings-attached, somewhat ironic “Let’s take it slow” rhetoric, the situationship is far more dangerous than it lets on. What is offered as a possible on-ramp for a relationship is more often than not a one-way street toward devastation. Or, at least, it is to some — it all depends on which role you fulfill in the pair.

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Maybe for a select group, a casual something doesn’t bring any pain or stress to either party. I’d argue these are the exceptions and not the rule. 

“A situationship is a situation to one person and nothing to the other.” My roommate told me if I was to write this article, I had to include this quote from the podcast “Between Us Girlies.” A common feat of the situationship is an imbalance of affection: person A becomes deeply infatuated with person B over the course of the situationship, but person B — though interested in person A in some way — isn’t willing to make meaningful sacrifices for person A or officially want to date them. 

Person A settles for the bare minimum in hopes that person B will change their mind. Unfortunately, you cannot love a person into changing, just like how you can’t truly fill a void with someone you are not willing to fight for. 

The situationship is compelling to many because of its inherent casualness; there’s no pressure for anything serious. What a relief! The irony here is that the situationship hardly absolves love life drama — in fact, it seems to have proliferated it. On TikTok or Instagram Reels, there are countless videos of people documenting their heartbreak following the end of a long-term relationship versus that of a relatively short-term situationship, with the punchline being that the situationship hurt them far more. 

The uncertainty surrounding how the other person ever felt for you is, in some ways, more painful than going through the natural rise and fall of a committed relationship. A lack of closure or understanding about the situation can also make it difficult to move on. 

By failing to define the connection, people are getting hurt. Maybe we don’t always know what we want — which is normal — but it seems we are not willing to put ourselves out there to find out. We shouldn’t aspire merely to what is easy or scares us the least. We lack the bravery to fight for love.

Everyone is free to conduct relationships how they wish, but I’d advise everyone to be wary of the situationship. Please be careful with your heart, and please be careful how you handle the hearts of others. 

It’s wrong to manipulate a person into falling for you just because you want the dopamine hit of being loved. It’s a selfish thing to wish to be cared for more than you yourself are willing to love in return. 

On the other side of this, recognize what true reciprocation looks like. Your feelings for another person are valid, but you deserve someone who knows how to hold your love and not make you feel weak or silly for showing it. 

You can’t ruin what’s meant for you by saying how you feel. If you feel like someone will like you less for knowing you more, then deep down, you already know this is a relationship that won’t last. 

Situationships microdose true intimacy. They take the best parts of loving another person and hold it over your head, just slightly out of reach. Ultimately, love is not found in asking to be loved. Something is not better than nothing if that something leaves you traumatized. 

I don’t mean to spew platitudes here. I know that matters of the heart are seldom simple, and a lot of my advice on this matter is far easier said than done. But we should stop accepting the bare minimum, and we should stop thinking it’s okay to offer the bare minimum to others. The pursuit of love isn’t easy: it warrants all of our greatest, most vulnerable efforts. Only once we realize this can we expect the sort of romance and connection we so desperately crave.