Content warning: this article discusses suicide and suicidal ideation.

2024 was my year of loss. I was ungraciously dumped July 28; my grandma died a week later on August 9; I stopped being able to attend classes regularly in October; I missed my grandma’s funeral on November 25, even though it hurt me to do so.

I started thinking about killing myself in early September, but it wasn’t until October that I was seriously considering ending my life. By that point, I had lost the ability to think clearly without medication and to go through a day without crying. I had dropped out of all the student organizations I was in, I no longer showed up to MMA practices, I gave up on writing articles for the Daily Trojan and I disappeared silently from my research lab.

Perhaps most disturbingly, I had lost hope that things would get better. 

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On Sept. 23, 2024, I learned the hard way that USC does not know how to handle students experiencing mental crises. In hopes of managing “problem students,” USC didn’t rely on mental health professionals to help me during my time of need, but armed Department of Public Safety officers who came to my door and demanded that I let them in, talk to them and to a counselor on the phone, and if I didn’t, they would have no choice but to take me away and 5150 me.

I had answered the door with tears already streaming down my face; seeing a team of DPS officers sent me even more over the edge. I knew being 5150’d would mean being held involuntarily in a psychiatric hospital for 72 hours, where I would be evaluated and monitored constantly. I was also terrified that these officers knew where I lived, as I had no idea how they even got my address to begin with. 

I have never felt as small as I had when the DPS officers started asking questions about my situation. They asked to see my phone, as the person who had called DPS on me had mentioned that I had been sending concerning messages. They told me that I had to talk to a counselor and set up an emergency appointment and that missing this appointment would mean seeing them again.

The stress of the situation was too much for me to handle. I felt that my privacy and my security were violated and that my apartment was no longer safe for me to stay in. 

Perhaps the only good thing to come out of the DPS visit was the fact that I had to go to therapy. Like it or not, I did need help that only medical professionals could provide. Meeting with my team of counseling and mental health service providers, who only wanted the best for me and understood my desire not to be 5150’d, allowed me to unpack all the pain I had experienced in 2024. 

The road to recovery is never smooth, and it took extensive therapy and medications for me to get better. However, I was able to recover because of the medical professionals at USC, not because of a DPS visit. In fact, I was originally discouraged from seeking mental help following DPS visiting me because I was afraid I would be interrogated in a similar manner and threatened with involuntary hospitalization. DPS officers, while trained to give first aid and supposed non-violent crisis intervention, are not trained to handle students or faculty who are struggling mentally. The only people who are able to do that are medical professionals such as psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors. 

Substituting the first line of defense with these professionals is something I believe is possible. While the WELL hotline is available 24/7, counselors should be deployed to handle in-person crises or, at the very least, accompany a team of DPS officers in person. In addition, DPS officers should not come into these situations armed; while their tasers and guns were not drawn, the presence of these weapons was enough to make me distrustful of the officers’ intentions. These changes are subtle but could mean the difference between safety and danger for many people. 

Dealing with both mental health issues and DPS at your door is enough to drive anyone to their breaking point. USC needs to do better for its students; simply providing mental health services is just not enough. Effective changes can only be made when USC both understands and empathizes with struggling students; as of right now, the standard protocols are only hurting rather than helping. 

If you are in need of support, here are some resources you can contact: Student Counseling Services is available 24/7 at 213-740-7711 with crisis counseling support.