The day I got my driver’s license was one of the best days of my life. Having been isolated for the past six months thanks to the outbreak of the coronavirus pandemic, I was craving a taste of the primary thing my life lacked: freedom. My license provided a sliver of normalcy; the option to do as I pleased, when I pleased, without having to secure a ride from my parents or friends. 

Before I went abroad, people were constantly in my ear, incessantly repeating, “Study abroad will change you, you’ll become so much more independent!” Yeah, okay. Personally, I thought I was a very independent person before coming abroad. Doing things alone has always been a source of release and solace for me when I need time to think or meditate. There’s no such freedom as the freedom to do whatever you want sans outside input.

I enjoy trying restaurants by myself. I only go to the gym solo. I’ve seen more films in theaters alone in the past year than I’ve seen with friends. The aspect of doing whatever, going wherever, changing plans on a whim — it’s only truly found in comfortable, chosen solitude. 

Don’t get the wrong idea. I am not friendless — I feel the need to clarify this so this article doesn’t make me sound lonely. I absolutely adore my friends and miss them dearly. I cannot wait to return to the United States just so I can shoot the shit with the girlies. Yet, I’ve found an unmatched value in learning how to enjoy my own company. At least, I used to have a steady grasp of this concept.

Last year, I experienced my first long-term relationship. It had its ups and downs, but it was the first time in my life that I had ever spent days to weeks on end constantly in the presence of another person. 

Unbeknownst to me, this period doused my once-blazing internal flame of independence. Naturally, when we decided to call it quits a mere two weeks after I was accepted to study abroad in Rome, I was left desperate. I didn’t know how to be alone anymore. Nothing is more distressing than scrambling to reignite inner independence with matches soddened by unhealthy attachment. 

I wasn’t lying earlier when I said that before coming abroad, I already had a good hold on an independent lifestyle. After recovering from the initial period of heartbroken lamentation — sobbing in bed, skipping some class, binge-rewatching “Game of Thrones,” gaining five pounds, etc. — I finally decided it was time to reenter society. I made two conscious decisions then: firstly, to never succumb to codependence ever again, and secondly, to reclaim my ability to do things alone. 

I’d say by the time I arrived in Rome, I was halfway back to my original threshold of independence. It became immediately apparent to me that this was not nearly enough. My first few weeks abroad were akin to solitary confinement. Since I chose to live in a homestay for the semester — essentially, living with an Italian family in a private residence rather than in university accommodations — I felt very isolated from the rest of my cohort, who all lived together. 

A majority of January, and even a bit of February, was spent agonizing over chronic loneliness and fear of missing out. I had moments of self-hatred for electing to live in a homestay, despite the wonderful and unique lifestyle I had the privilege of experiencing with my amazing host mom, host sister and our three pets (one dog and two cats, if you were wondering). 

Those weeks of adjustment were some of the most difficult, yet eye-opening, I’ve experienced. Going from feeling the most alone I’ve ever felt, to making a few amazing friends in my cohort, to gaining the confidence to explore Rome alone, to booking my first solo trip — I didn’t know someone could grow that quickly. 

The biggest lesson I’ve learned from solo traveling is that no matter where you go, you will always find someone. I’ve found that the anxiety I always face before taking the leap in booking a trip by myself is the worry that I will get lonely. 

No matter where I’ve gone, solo or not, I’ve always managed to meet new, like-minded friends, some of whom I’m still in touch with. All it takes is having the courage to attend that rooftop hostel mixer, book those bar crawl tickets or even strike up that conversation with the guy standing behind you in the coffee shop line who’s taking pictures on his Nintendo DSi. No one will think you look stupid for being alone — when you’re surrounded by other solo travelers, they’re all looking for friends too!

Even if that’s not the case — which I doubt it would be — there’s nothing wrong with exploring somewhere new by yourself. The sensation of landing in a brand new city with the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want, is utterly intoxicating. When there’s no one to tell you where to eat, what to see or that you’re taking too long deciding which souvenir magnet you want — that’s how you know you’ve made it. 

I’m proud of how far I’ve come in my independence journey, and I hope everyone can discover the solace of secure solitude. Also, don’t develop a codependent relationship. 

Aubrie Cole is a junior writing about her experiences abroad in Europe. Her column, “Notes from Abroad,” runs every other Friday.