“Rom-coms aren’t good anymore” is a comment I’ve frequently seen all over social media — and one I’ve made to multiple people. 

In an era filled with Wattpad adaptations and romantic tragedies, it seems like the rom-com spark has died. Movies are either too “cliche” or lack the co-star chemistry we all love to see. There have been a few gems over the last decade, but nothing seems to be as memorable as films like “When Harry Met Sally” (1989) or “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” (2003). 

Social media, along with economic and cultural shifts, are some of the contributors to the death of the rom-com. 

According to Jazlyn Gonzales with the State Press, rom-coms have changed “because dating has changed. With the installment of social media and online dating, love feels calculated. There is no chance, no wonder in romance anymore.” 

However, one of the more unspoken contributors to the fall of the romance genre is the argument that romance is anti-feminist. 

In the summer of 2023, Rachel Zegler came under fire for comments she had made in an interview about the new “Snow White” film. She said the adaptation would feature more modern ideals and that the princess wouldn’t be dreaming of true love. Instead, the “new-and-improved” Snow White would be “dreaming about becoming the leader she knows she can be.” While Zegler’s portrayal is meant to send an empowering message, it creates a negative relationship between strong women and romance. 

The “modern woman” has become a popular trope in recent media, particularly in the romance genre, to describe characters who are independent and typically career-driven. Additionally, the “modern woman” is less male-centric. 

Representation like this is undoubtedly important. Women are more than their pursuit of romantic relationships, and we deserve to be illustrated as complexly as we truly are. But being a feminist doesn’t mean women don’t want to experience romance. 

“Sex and free agency are empowering,” explained romance-writing duo Christina Lauren in Time magazine. “Deciding what you do with your own body, and with whom, is liberating. Falling in love with men does not make our heroines weak.”

Additionally, there seems to be a misconception about the association between romance and weakness. There lies an implication that when strong women are vulnerable with their partners, they are losing their independence. But this is untrue. 

Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re handing your autonomy over to your partner. It simply means that you are allowing yourself to connect with someone who will respect your independence. Romantic relationships should not be viewed or portrayed as a one-way street. It’s about give and take between both parties. 

The romance genre has had its weaker moments. The Hallmark formula typically shows women giving up their careers for a small-town innkeeper. Movies like “Babygirl” (2024) illustrate women’s supposedly innate desire to be submissive. The “modern woman” is a necessary opposition against these dynamic yet stereotypical representations. 

But we cannot have an open conversation about feminism without acknowledging that a woman can want career independence as well as a cliche romance. 

Shows like “Girls” and “Sex and the City” discuss these intersections of relationships, career and romance (usually) without sacrificing the protagonists’ power. As illustrated by these shows, women can be portrayed through both their relationships and their aspirations beyond marriage and dating.  In the latter, Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall) doesn’t sacrifice her strong personality when pursuing sex, just as Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) knows her self-worth and refuses to surrender her romantic values and settle. 

In “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” (2002), Toula (Nia Vardalos) changes for herself, rather than for her love interest. Viola (Amanda Bynes) happens to find love on the road to seeking recognition as a woman athlete in “She’s the Man” (2006). And although Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) applies to Harvard University to win back her ex-boyfriend, by the end of “Legally Blonde” (2001), she has found both healthy love and a newfound respect for herself and from her peers. 

Feminism does not end with romance, just as romance does not end with feminism. By allowing women in media to showcase vulnerability as well as strength, we can create more inclusive and complex illustrations of women overall. 

The romance genre can be revived, so long as the portrayals do not sacrifice a woman’s identity for the sake of love and do not villainize love for the sake of “women’s empowerment.” The creative industries must continue to utilize the “modern woman” but acknowledge their ability to love and be loved.