If my day had gone to plan, I would be on a flight to Warsaw, Poland, right now. Instead, I’m lying in bed, watching “The O.C.,” which I’ve been doing for the past six hours. The famous Modica dark chocolate that I bought in Sicily, which I promised myself would survive until my return to the United States, is gone. I like munching on something while watching TV, and unfortunately, the chocolate became a victim of my gluttony. And now I feel bloated. 

When I opened Instagram a few minutes ago, I was greeted by the superficially aesthetic stories of my study abroad friends spending the weekend in beautiful destinations such as Croatia and Switzerland. “I’m so lazy, I should’ve gone to Poland instead of staying here this weekend,” I thought. 

Truth be told, I booked my Polish jaunt on a whim, steered by similar anxieties that I’m wasting my time in idleness. After all, when is the next time I’m going to have such ease of movement and access to affordable travel? This mindset has shadowed almost every travel decision I’ve made this semester, and I’m trying to escape it.

I knew I wouldn’t be flying to Warsaw today when I woke up this morning. After spending an entire week in Sicily, combined with my upcoming five-day trip to Amsterdam next week, I wanted to take some time to subdue my physical and emotional exhaustion. When I realized the last weekend of March was the first I had spent in Italy since January, I quickly developed a new point of anxiety: What if I’m not appreciating my time in Rome and Italy enough?

The idealization of studying abroad has tainted the perception of the real experience and instilled pointless anxieties into numerous study abroad students. 

I’ve seen countless study abroad wannabe travel influencers saying things like, “Never spend any time at home, you’ll regret not going out more!” and “I wish I had traveled around my base country more during my abroad semester.” I’m not saying that they shouldn’t have their opinions or express them, I simply don’t like making decisions aligned with preventing future regret rather than living presently.

Though my flight was non-refundable, I’d rather endure the small financial hit than take a trip I am uninterested in. So, this Saturday I’ll instead be heading to Nemi, a small town around an hour outside of Rome known for its love of strawberries. Since it’ll just be a solo day trip, I won’t have to worry about lugging around my massive backpack or rolling the dice on whether or not I’ll have tolerable roommates in a hostel. 

I don’t want to carry around any regrets about my semester abroad, but ultimately, I think that’s an inevitability. There will be moments over the summer when I’ll wish I traveled to more countries, and there will be times when I’ll kick myself for not exploring more of Italy. I’m coming to realize that all I can do is live for what I want right now. Just as future me is going to look back on old pictures of myself and think, “Ugh, why did I dress like that?” she’s also going to take issue with some of her past decisions.

Will I regret not going to Poland in the future? Maybe. But that’s not my problem right now. Tonight, all I want to do is lie in bed and watch early 2000s television, having just had pizza and beer with my host family for dinner — none of which I would have been able to do if I were on a plane to Warsaw.

Aubrie Cole is a junior writing about her experiences abroad in Europe. Her column, “Notes from Abroad,” runs every other Friday.