There’s never a shortage of topics for me to write about every other week for this column when I do some quick research on whatever seemingly banal topic actually indicates the end of the world. I rifle through pop culture news looking for anything that strikes a nerve with me so that I can write around 800 words that might make my editors and a few readers laugh.

It was easy to find something ridiculous, like it always is. I was tempted to write about Issa Rae’s failed gay-for-pay attempt in the most recent season of “Black Mirror.” It’s hilarious to me that there’s currently a pop culture moment revolving around the fact that people didn’t appreciate the fact that Rae and Emma Corrin’s makeout scenes look like someone making two Barbies kiss thanks to a lack of chemistry, among other aspects of the episode.

Ultimately, I couldn’t ignore the Blue Origin spectacle, despite my best attempts to pretend it wasn’t a real thing that was happening. Unlike an unconvincing lesbian performance in a show I don’t even watch, the implications of the entire ordeal have undeniable direct effects on my life and indicate a concerning cultural trajectory that makes me sweat. 

Nine women were sent into space by Jeff Bezos’ company, all of whom had different qualifications for being onboard. To name a few: Amanda Nguyen, a Nobel Peace Prize-nominated civil rights activist and actual astronaut; Aisha Bowe, a former NASA rocket scientist and entrepreneur; Lauren Sánchez, an acclaimed journalist who just so happens to be Bezos’ recent fiancée; and pop star Katy Perry.

Don’t get me wrong, “Teenage Dream” is without a doubt a seminal pop record whose cultural influence cannot be understated, along with Perry’s success. Counterpoint: What does thanking God that it’s Friday have to do with throttling toward Earth’s orbit at 25,000 miles per hour?

The marketing surrounding the Blue Origin mission has placed its crew at the forefront, specifically hocking the trip as a girlboss feat, with New Shepard’s — Blue Origin’s reusable rocket launch system — Senior Vice President Phil Joyce calling the crew “trailblazers.”

“Each of these women is a storyteller who will use their voices — individually and together — to channel their life-changing experience today into creating lasting impact that will inspire people across our planet for generations,” Joyce said in a Blue Origin press release.

The theatrics of this entire debacle are meant to distract from the fact that each mission Blue Origin sends into space emits copious amounts of greenhouse gases into the upper atmosphere and perpetuates high-cost tourism, widening the gap between income classes. 

I’m so happy for Katy Perry that she was able to give a thousand-yard stare at a webcam while holding a daisy in zero gravity and now feels “super connected to love.” 

But as someone that earnestly tries to sort my trash in Tutor Campus Center, I’m not sure I can muster up the strength to see space tourism as anything other than a dystopian commodification of an enterprise that used to be reserved for exploration and the betterment of the human race’s shared knowledge. 

It’s bad enough that Perry kissed the ground after leaving the pod as if she had been through an ordeal despite the experience being something she paid more than enough to cover an entire year of my tuition for — and I invite her to do that if she feels so inclined.

But now, of all possibilities, Wendy’s — a major corporation whose X account is probably run by a chronically online intern — is on the vanguard of public backlash for the exorbitant trip into space after replying to the news that Perry had returned to Earth with “Can we send her back.”

I am now taking it upon myself to criticize on a slightly different platform than a fast-food corporation as a student at a university paper run only slightly differently than Wendy’s. While I can’t unsend Perry or Sánchez to space, I sure can complain about it.

Since starting this column at the beginning of the semester, I’ve become more negative. I’m always keeping an eye out for annoying or problematic things that famous people have done. I’m always looking for cultural phenomena that irk me. I feel like a less charming version of Rachel Dratch’s “Saturday Night Live” character Debbie Downer every other week. 

That being said, it’s also reminded me that complaining through an independent university paper is better than nothing. At least I’m not remaining silent as legislative and cultural precedents are overturned or diversity, equity and inclusion are rebranded as “community.” 

Student journalism is a small yet not an inconsequential tide in the movement of media. With 21 million people in the United States enrolled as undergraduates as of the 2023-24 school year, the voices of student papers represent a significant portion of the nation’s population. These writers aren’t just U.S.-born undergraduate students, but also international students and graduate students all trying to make their voices heard. 

Maybe you don’t care about failed gay-for-pay “Black Mirror” episodes or millionaire pop stars in space. Maybe all of my takes seem obnoxiously chronically online and useless to the greater commentary of human activity. But if that’s the case, look no further than the other articles available at the Daily Trojan. You’ll probably find what you’re looking for.

Anna Jordan is a sophomore writing about pop culture controversies in her column, “Chronically Online,” which runs every other Thursday. She is also a chief copy editor at the Daily Trojan.