Whether you’re scrolling on your TikTok For You page or walking down Trousdale, he’s inevitably going to cross your path: a man wearing the baggiest jeans you’ve ever seen, holding a matcha in one hand while tightly clutching his “Charm” tote bag in the other. 

He might have a Labubu hanging from his belt loop or sport a few patchwork tattoos. Maybe his wired headphones are blasting Jeff Buckley or beabadoobee. Either way, the performative man is the latest craze on everyone’s mind. 

A performative male contest comes this Thursday at USC Village, advertising the prize of a free Labubu. This is just the latest addition to the several other competitions hosted in major cities like Chicago, Toronto, Sydney and San Francisco as well as on other college campuses like Harvard University and the University of Florida.

Contestants drop tampons on the ground, hold Sally Rooney books upside down and tape on fake mustaches as they strut in front of cheering audiences.

Poking fun at these men has become more of a trend than the men themselves. But in the midst of these light-hearted parodies lies genuine frustrations calling into question the authenticity of these so-called “performative men.” 

Some people believe that these personas are simply manipulation tactics for men to pick up women. As Elle magazine explains, the performative man is meant to be the “antithesis of toxic masculinity” but often is a facade that hosts the same classic desires of “control, validation and status” beneath all the keychains and clothes. Others claim the rise of performative men is just another excuse for men to invade feminine spaces. 

And while I initially jumped on the hate train, I was also slightly confused. Women rave about wanting more “feminine men” and have popularized characters and celebrities who they believe exhibit such qualities. These soft boys and sensitive men were all the rage only a few years ago — men who are not afraid to express their emotions have long been depicted as the “dream man” in media. So why, now that more men seem to be checking these boxes, are they facing scrutiny? 

Thus, another question comes to mind: by accusing men of performing their “femininity,” are we pushing them back into boxes of toxic masculinity? 

Writer Maya Salam explained in The New York Times that “toxic masculinity” is defined as a set of behaviors and beliefs that include things like suppressing emotions, maintaining an appearance of hardness and using violence as an indicator of power. This ideology has led to a variety of problems for both women and men, such as violence against the former and deteriorating mental health for the latter. 

Consequently, men have been strongly encouraged to stray away from such restrictive expectations and openly embrace their femininity. 

By ridiculing men for showcasing an interest in activities or behaviors more typically associated with femininity, we are actively pushing them towards a standard of “masculinity” that is socially expected of them. Men will not be able to escape toxic behaviors if society is not willing to make space for them to do so. 

A TikTok user, @glass__museum, connected philosopher Judith Butler’s theory about gender performativity with the current controversy surrounding “performative males.” Butler theorizes that gender is not established through a singular act but through ritualized repetition — i.e. women must dress feminine, men must be strong, etc. 

By continuing these gender rituals, individuals are inherently performing for society and being rewarded in exchange for following societal expectations. TikToker @glass__museum explains that, relative to Butler’s theory, criticisms of the “performative male” derive from the belief that subversions of male gender rituals are wrong: “We drag performative men for reading Jane Austen and liking Hello Kitty because that performance is coded as feminine.” 

This dispute also plays out in music fandoms. Male fans of musicians with typically female audiences such as Clairo, Laufey and beabadoobee are regularly labeled as being posers or inauthentic listeners. One viral TikTok trend argued that Clairo’s discography “should only be for women,” which the singer directly denied in a now-deleted TikTok.  

Although these artists’ popularity amongst women stems from their depictions of girlhood and feminine struggles, their lyrics capture universal feelings like love and loneliness that are not exclusively experienced by women. To label these emotions as inherently “female traits” disregards our pursuit toward a more gender inclusive and free society. 

All this is not to say men should be given the freedom to invade whatever feminine space they please. There are still men out there who are solely “performing” to attract women. But not every single man is performative. We must reflect on why we are so quick to condemn men for exhibiting feminine qualities and scrutinize our associations of certain behaviors with women.