For as long as I’ve known what journalism was, I’ve known what I wanted to do with my life. Even before that, my first-ever dream job was not that of an astronaut or a zookeeper or an athlete — it was a baseball writer.

Now, I’m more than a little bit lost.

It’s not that I have any doubt writing is what I want to do — if I did, one of the many 5 a.m. or later nights producing the Daily Trojan would’ve already pushed me away — but because I’m starting to question if I’m really cut out for this. If you think I sound pathetic, this is the draft I didn’t write during my now-infamous “night delulus.”

Since we come from the same high school, for years, I’ve been compared to The New York Times Politics reporter Kellen Browning and Wall Street Journal Meta reporter Meghan Bobrowsky — both of whom got what probably 99% of journalism majors would describe as dream end-of-career jobs right out of college. 

While I consider both Kellen and Meghan friends — and I can picture exactly what they would say if I told them how much of a fraud I feel like standing next to them — all I see when I look in the mirror is where I don’t measure up. In short, they mog me.

The same groups that gave them national high school awards tossed me aside — fairly, I’ll add — and, if I had about 30% of their poise or confidence, I might already have a full-time job. Oh, and I write about sports.

I want to be clear — this isn’t a dig at sports writers at all. In fact, having written roughly 200 sports articles in my short career thus far, I would at least like to think I know what a good sports article looks like — and it’s not nearly as easy as it seems. It’s just not where I thought I’d be at this point.

When I came to USC last fall, I had one goal: to become a significant contributor to the Daily Trojan’s news coverage.

On my second day of classes, I had a byline above the fold on the front page and thought it was the most amazing thing ever. I put everything I had into the news section, becoming an editor as a second-semester freshman and never losing that spark.

Now, a year and some change after that first article, here I sit, clear on the other side of the newsroom often writing about what is notably my least favorite sport, football — all love to the Trojans (4-1, 2-1 Big Ten), though — and crashing out nearly every day about a job I never envisioned myself in. First world problems, I know.

I’ve been told that sports journalism is what I should be doing with my life by everyone from my dad, to editors at the DT, to multiple professional reporters. As if I weren’t smart, put-together or calm enough to be a news writer and that I should go cover a baseball game in an air-conditioned press box.

Nevertheless, I’ve tried to approach this semester with the same care as anything I’ve done before, but all I can think about is where I’ve gone wrong.

If I thought the imposter syndrome was bad while being interviewed for my high school’s podcast alongside Kellen and Meghan while a first-semester freshman in college, being an editor is so much worse. Who am I to tell these people how to write when I can’t even get out of a box I constrained myself within or even write a draft of this article I’m happy with.

Every time I leave comments on multiple sentences in a row or rewrite something, a part of me questions what I’m really doing at the Daily Trojan. How can I do so many rounds of editing that it becomes controversial and still be disappointed in my work?

But, as I was re-writing this piece in what I’m going to coin my “daytime delulus” — apparently just nighttime isn’t enough — Editor-in-Chief Nathan Elias, also a friend of mine, reminded me that sometimes life is about a little more than perfection on a paper, especially because this article probably isn’t anywhere close.

Every day, especially now that I don’t work directly with him, I am more and more inspired by Associate Managing Editor Nicholas Corral’s ability to consistently edit pieces across sections and strive to do everything he can for this paper. I feel beyond lucky to get to watch the news-editing trio of Asiana Guang, Zachary Whalen and Adam Young take over a section I adore and make it their own, and without Sports Editor Bennett Christofferson, I don’t think I could’ve made it through my first week on this job.

In addition, without Opinion Editor Julia Ho, Arts and Entertainment Editor Anna Jordan and many more members of my DT family, my sanity would be gone. If all of these amazing people are willing to consider me a friend, I must be doing something right, even if I am lost.

Maybe if, in a few semesters, I’m still unc-ing around at the Daily Trojan, I can end my career with another one of these and have a more-clear vision. But, for now, all I can hope for is another day and another chance to write.

“Editors’ Epilogue” is a rotating column featuring a different Daily Trojan editor in each installment writing about their personal experiences. Sean Campbell is a sophomore majoring in journalism and is a sports editor at the Daily Trojan.