Wired headphones snake through the frayed belt loops of thrifted jorts — a mullet, perhaps, bopping along to some unknown, esoteric artist, with a Dulce matcha in one hand and a Sally Rooney novel in the other. Yes, the bisexual manipulator is out and about, ready to play some games with no gendered preference — no one is safe from this artsy-fartsy, untethered life-ruiner.

There is a way, however, for innocent bystanders to proactively protect themselves from the charismatic wiles of a bisexual manipulator — the way to any bi liar’s Achilles heel is through the wires of their headphones and into their Spotify. 

As long as susceptible parties arm themselves with knowledge of the following artists, the bisexual manipulator’s powers will be suppressed for another day.

Dijon/Mk.gee

Though these are two separate and equally ridiculously named artists, they come in a pair for any bi manipulator who watched the live recording of “Big Mike’s” on Dijon’s YouTube and became enamored with the idea of two talented people riffing off each other. Unfortunately, the bi liar’s musical endeavors are nowhere near the caliber of these two indie rock gods, leaning more toward noise than on-the-fly innovation.

Nevertheless, the bi manipulator will likely laud Mk.gee’s “Two Star & The Dream Police” and Dijon’s new album, “Baby.” But stay safe and dig deeper into their respective discographies; the best defense against a bi manipulator is to out-indie them with incredible and underappreciated music.

Blood Orange

Rather than dig deeper into Blood Orange’s unbelievable discography, the best way to build defense against the bi manipulator with this British indie-alt rock and soul artist is to examine his influence on other artists. Don’t get it twisted, any one of his albums, from “Coastal Grooves” to “Essex Honey,” is absolutely gorgeous.

But to out-indie the indie master, Blood Orange’s work as a producer is the best route to explore. Check out Lorde’s latest album, “Virgin,” or any of Solange’s post-2010s work to see more of Blood Orange in action, and — for the ultimate indie trump card — look into Solange and Blood Orange’s checkered, beef-filled past together. Some water has escaped being swept under the bridge.

TV Girl

This isn’t here just because their album “Who Really Cares” looks like the bisexual flag. This electro-indie rock act, known for sweet sampling and colorful and inimitable music, is like a honeytrap for evil bisexual flies. 

Each song is bait for the bi liar to look into and gather recon for the ultimate patronizing breakdown of its sample history, all the way back to a late-’80s feminist punk-rock rap group called the Yeastie Girlz laying down bars about rejecting the patriarchy in TV Girls’ “Not Allowed.”

Unlike the previous artists, the best defense against the bisexual manipulator for this artist is looking forward rather than backward. By brushing up on TV Girl’s latest endeavors like “Fauxllennium” and “Grapes Upon the Vine” — and even going into satellite projects by collaborator Jordana, like her latest killer album, “Jordanaland” — those with weakened immune systems against bi liars can ensure their safety.

Snow Strippers

However, the bisexual manipulator may see through the TV Girl defense and dig even deeper: the psychedelic music that plays during an oversized claw machine game at a bowling alley à la Round1. That’s right, Snow Strippers. 

This indie sleaze, electropop duo is the bisexual manipulator’s battleship hidden in the fog of the night, ready to blitz any claim to indie music that an underprepared opponent may think they have. And yet, the only way out is through. Brush up on as much as possible: dally in some of their self-titled debut album, toss in “April Mixtape 2,” study hard with “April Mixtape 3” and pepper in some singles and EPs like “Night Killaz Vol. 2.” 

One party of this ruthless battle just might make it out of this battle with their sanity intact.

The Cure

As much as they may seem intimidating, the bisexual manipulator is all talk when it comes to The Cure. They think that by virtue of the name drop alone, they’re in the clear, but this is when a sneak attack is vital. Sure, the bi liar knows “Wish” and “Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me” inside out. But throw in some album cuts from “Disintegration” or bring up any of the live albums, and it’s over for the bisexual manipulator.

Sure, they might try to backpedal with digging up some debate material on The Cure vs. The Smiths, but take this tidbit into battle: Sure, Morrissey was hopelessly in unrequited love with his fellow Smith, Johnny Marr — but thanks to well-researched ammo of The Cure’s discography, the bisexual manipulator will be in hopeless, unrequited love with anyone who heeds this wisdom.