Bring back wearing six-inch heels and a fur coat to the grocery store. Not exactly that combination, but there should be a resurgence of overdressing for all occasions in this new year. I want to see more fun and whimsy through self-expression and less herd mentality. Wear that sparkly dress on a random night. Wear those Tabi flats to class, blisters and all. 

Nowadays, people tend to overthink about appearance. Before hanging out with friends, there will normally be a text asking about outfits or if a sundress is “doing too much.” On TikTok, we see constant videos asking, “What kind of shorts are we wearing this summer? Are we doing short shorts or jorts?” A creator will share hair tutorial videos, only to be met with comments from people trying to conform: “What if my hair is short?” or “My hair doesn’t hold curls.”

Personal expression through fashion has been increasingly mediated by social media pressure. Fashion trends are prevalent in the streets of Los Angeles. Therefore, going to college in Los Angeles causes most students to fixate on their appearances, whether it be an Instagram post, an outfit or makeup. It’s also caused everyone to unintentionally become hyper-aware of themselves and hyper-dependent on external validation.

I’m definitely guilty of this. Three years ago, I used to spend 30 minutes every night putting together an outfit. An outfit that was casual, trendy and subtle enough. Depending on the year, it was the Lululemon Define Jacket Nulu in 2023 or Garage ribbed tank tops in 2024. Thirty minutes, just to wear what everyone else was wearing. 

It wasn’t about creativity; it was about acceptability. I wanted to look right — presentable enough, normal enough — so I could feel accepted by my peers. 

Especially as an Asian woman in a predominantly white space, I felt the pressure to compensate for my identity. I fixated on things like clothing, hair and overall appearance in an attempt to minimize my identity, to make others forget it was there. Not only was it ineffective, it was stripping me of myself. An invisible and inconceivable authority rained on me, clouding my judgement and calling the shots for me. 

But conformity as a means of survival only ends up harming the person trying to survive. Even if you are “doing everything right,” you become hyperdependent on others’ opinions — and self-centered on how they apply to you. This mindset connects to what’s now being called “whataboutmeism” on social media. 

TikTok creator Sarah Lockwood describes this phenomenon as a product of distorted individualism and digital dependence. While being influenced by others isn’t inherently bad, continuous bandwagoning can lead to losing your personal conviction and identity. 

While being a more extreme example of this effect, “whataboutmeism” clearly depicts the entitlement people feel toward other’s attention and energy — whether it’s intentional or not. Instead of scrolling, people have forced themselves into spaces and seek out validation for almost everything. 

According to Lockwood, whataboutmeism occurs when someone sees something with which they have no involvement, or they can’t fully relate to, and they find a way to make it centered around them. This is rooted within external validation. By dressing how you want, you can instead gain inner authenticity and self-acceptance. 

Whataboutmeism weaponizes individualism while posing as inclusivity. While sheepishly trying to conform, you unintentionally feel that you are owed acceptance, praise and attention, making you and others subservient to society’s gaze. 

While I am a repeat offender, I began practicing exposure therapy. That has been the sole reason why I’ve grown into my confidence. When you release those expectations of caring and internalizing opinions as attacks, you reclaim your autonomy and reach inner peace. Instead of being shackled to the countless opinions of others — whether it be online or in person — you free yourself from the prison of others’ perception and find self-worth. 

Therefore, I began wearing excessive jewelry and flashy belts to school — treating it like “Milan” Fashion Week. I began to stop caring about social “dress codes” and started doing full-beat makeup just to grab medicine at the convenience store. In that same breath, I still found times I wanted to wear sweatpants and a hoodie. But the difference was that I wasn’t constantly wondering if others were silently judging me. I wasn’t incessantly pondering if people’s opinions were personal attacks against me. 

Because so what? I stay grounded in the fact that I know who I am, and that other people can only dictate me if I let them. So, let it happen.

Conformity will never satisfy your desire of being seen and understood. Let go of the urge to regulate what is “too much” and “not enough.” Release the expectations of being the target and center of attention. Because maybe, it’s not about you.