The Super Bowl is America’s most sacred annual ritual: Men throw a ball around, everyone pretends to understand the game and someone from Boston finds a way to make it about themselves. This year is no different.

In the spirit of the inaugural installment of the highly requested “Sports for Dummies” column, we are here to offer a preview of Super Bowl LX with exactly the level of credibility this column promises. Think: marginally related observations and “in-depth” analyses.

The Patriots are good again

The New England Patriots were, at one point, the most irritatingly successful team in professional sports. And that’s coming from a Pats fan.

Under the long and mutually obsessive partnership of former head coach Bill Belichick and longstanding — admittedly, a bit too long — former quarterback Tom Brady, the Patriots won so consistently that it stopped feeling impressive and started feeling personal. For nearly two decades, they were unavoidable and deeply annoying if you weren’t from New England. 

Then, Brady left. Belichick’s unc-ness became noticeable. And the Patriots entered what can only be described as a brief but spiritually devastating slump, forcing Boston fans to experience “humility.” 

The Pats finished the 2025 season with a 14-3 record — their best campaign since the Brady-Belichick era — and cleared the Chargers, Texans and Broncos to make it to the finals. This is also their first Super Bowl visit under new Head Coach Mike Vrabel. They’ve miraculously become respectable again. 

Oh, and shoutout to quarterback Drake Maye. That’s all. 

As one of us is from Boston — or is Boston adjacent — the Patriots winning will let half of this column’s authorship be less ashamed in public settings. We’re not asking for a Brady-Belichick reboot — lest we forget #deflategate — but a Pats win Sunday could swing a bit of narrative closure. 

Seahawk-Patriot slow burn heating back up

The Seattle Seahawks are mobbing Super Bowl LX, and they are, irritatingly, very good. We know this because, as USC students, we have been forced to witness an overwhelming amount of former Trojan quarterback Sam Darnold glazing online. It’s sickening.

Records indicate they won enough games and beat enough other teams to qualify for the Super Bowl. If we truly must delve into the facts, the Seahawks did have a dominant NFC Championship run before ultimately beating out the formidable Los Angeles Rams, 31-27, which was devastating for the one of us who’s from the blessed City of Angels, in the penultimate round. 

Historically speaking, the Seahawks may have a bit of a slow burn to finish off with the Patriots — in 2015, the latter won Super Bowl XLIX on one of the most infamous goal-line decisions in NFL history, also denying the Seahawks a second consecutive championship. 

It’s worth acknowledging that the Seahawks, for all their consistency in the last decade or so, have only won one Super Bowl. Meanwhile, the Patriots have won six. The concept of the Pats being this year’s “underdogs” may alarm some, but contrary to popular belief, underdog status isn’t about trophy counts or winning games or whatever — it’s about desire, and we simply desire a Patriots win more. 

In many sports analysis forecasts, the Seahawks are currently favored, citing their balance, consistency and overall competence, among other traits. We acknowledge this. 

To summarize, the Seahawks wear navy blue, their mascot is a bird and they have fans. We trust these facts. 

How to win the Super Bowl

Let’s start at the beginning: Every fall, 32 teams enter the NFL season with hope in their hearts, fresh jerseys on their backs and no evidence that this year will be different. Most of them are wrong; a few of them are loudly wrong. Each team plays 17 games, which determines their eligibility to be invited to the postseason function — a.k.a. the playoffs. 

Playoff games are single elimination. One fumble, and, just vote: Your season is over. 

It also helps not to drop the ball — physically or emotionally. Confidence appears to matter, as does standing around aggressively while waiting for something important to happen. 

‘In the clurb, we all fam’

But enough of that mess — let’s talk about the real show: Bad Bunny.

Let’s be so for real: The Super Bowl is almost two hours of waiting for Bad Bunny’s halftime performance and then another lengthy comedown.

49er fans can continue crying and Rams fans will hope for next season, but by the time halftime starts, we are all “fam” once Bad Bunny hits the field. Instead of worrying how many times the ball moves forward 10 yards, let’s worry if Bad Bunny will perform hits from “Un Verano Sin Ti.”   

While we yearn for a setlist, for now, all we have is men playing in the middle of the concert stage. Either way, at least for most of us, Bad Bunny is the main event. Football is just the opening act. 

“Sports for Dummies” would like to endorse the Patriots winning the Super Bowl. In the end, this only has to make sense to us; we don’t really feel like explaining it. 

Julia Ho is a junior and an associate managing editor at the Daily Trojan. Heydy Vasquez is a senior and an Opinion editor at DT. Together, they write about sports for newcomers and skeptics alike in their column, “Sports for Dummies,” which runs every other Friday.