Have you ever met or even noticed someone who seems effortlessly cool and immediately imagined what it would be like to be a part of their friend group? That feeling, that silent admiration of someone’s personality, humor or confidence, is a friend-crush. What if I told you it’s time to act on that feeling?

At USC, friend-crushes are everywhere — in discussion sections, in the dining hall or simply walking down Trousdale Parkway. You’re constantly surrounded by people who seem interesting, confident and already part of a tight-knit group. Turning a friend-crush into a real friendship can make a massive campus feel smaller, increase your communication skills and enrich your college experience by adding to your personal growth. 

But why does reaching out to a friend-crush feel so unbelievably intimidating?

Well, people often place their friend-crushes on an unrealistically high pedestal, seeing other students as more talented, interesting or put-together than themselves. American behavioral scientist, Eldar Shafir, connects this to the scarcity effect — the tendency to value what we don’t have rather than what is already available to us. Social media plays a role in this effect, since people usually post the most picture-perfect moments of their lives rather than the raw, unfiltered reality. 

But putting someone on a pedestal can backfire. It idolizes them, making them seem unapproachable and less like a normal person who is able to reciprocate a platonic connection. It’s important to remember that the person behind those flawless Instagram photos is just another human stressing over the right caption or using filters to cover up blemishes.

As well as idolizing others, people naturally seek validation. Those who face frequent rejection may begin to feel that they are unworthy of connecting with someone they view as “cool.” Thus, they feel intimidated to reach out or believe they must prove their worth before a real friendship can form.

Yet, this mindset is exactly what holds people back from the friendships they crave. In reality, the people we admire are rarely as unapproachable as we imagine them to be. People need friendship. Everyone is navigating the same social uncertainties, and many of the “cool” people we admire are also hoping to meet new friends. 

When you stop viewing someone as statuesque and start viewing them as just another college student, the pressure fades. The truth is that most friendships don’t begin because someone was perfect or impressive, but because someone was brave enough to say hello.

So how do you actually turn a friend-crush into a real friendship?

The key is communication. Get to know them beyond what you may have stalked on social media. Remove the fear of giving out a random compliment or chiming in on a side conversation. Also, don’t shy away from asking people for a way to contact them outside of in-person conversations.

Once you have established an initial connection, it is important to make plans to hang out with the people with whom you connect best. It may seem cliché, but many introverts get stuck here. I can think of several classroom acquaintances I made that never blossomed into a full-on friendship because I never hung out with them outside of class.

Don’t overthink this. Remember, this person is just another college student after all. Keep it casual and always be yourself. Find others who share your same values. Personally, friendships built on these foundations are the ones that have lasted the longest.

There is no set procedure for becoming friends with somebody. Some friendships happen very quickly, and some take time. Some friend-crushes may feel so out of reach that they will never happen, and maybe they won’t. At the end of the day, that is okay.

Rejection by a friend-crush can be hard. However, as an author and social entrepreneur, Bryant McGill has said, “Rejection is merely a redirection; a course to your destiny.” The people you were meant to meet won’t find you unless you give them the chance to.

Honestly, a friend-crush is really just untapped potential. It’s the possibility of laughter in the dining hall, spontaneous Insomnia Cookies adventures and group chats that light up your phone when you need it most. College moves fast, and it’s easy to let those “what if” connections slip by.

But the truth is, the people you admire are just people — probably hoping somebody reaches out to them, too. So instead of watching from a distance, take action. Send the text. Give the compliment. Make the plans. The worst that can happen is a little awkwardness. The best that can happen is a lifelong friend.