For as long as I remember, I thought I was overreacting.

It felt like I was in a constant state of walking on eggshells, to which the smallest crack could send my world imploding. Anything that made me feel upset, insecure, unloved or truly any negative emotion would overwhelm me to a point of seemingly no return.

I had always lived this way, so I had no inclination to believe this pattern of behavior was abnormal. I’d just accepted that I was emotional, more so than the average person. Despite this, I was in a constant state of exhaustion. This neverending loop of push and pull consumed my life, and I was desperate to figure out how to escape.

In October 2025, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is characterized by the inability to regulate one’s emotions, resulting in unstable relationships, mood swings and frequent uncontrollable outbursts.

Initially, the diagnosis scared me. I wondered what it would mean for myself and how others would perceive me, especially given how the media characterizes personality disorders as unstable.

So often, there’s talk of BPD patients as “manipulative” or “selfish,” which I knew I wasn’t. Sure, there was truth in my instability, but I was never acting with the intent of hurting myself or the people I loved.

Consider characters like Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet) from “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” (2004), or Bojack Horseman (Will Arnett) from the titular show. Each character is portrayed solely for their flawed behaviors, keeping the pain of their actions at the forefront of the narrative. Generally, these characters are considered horrible or even evil, and it hurt to know that others may think the same of me by proxy.

I knew my diagnosis didn’t change who I was, but I was scared that this label would give others a reason not to trust me, or believe that I only exist to control those in my life. I was not only struggling with these all-consuming emotions I had no way of controlling, but also with the fear of judgement for speaking out.

The freeing part of a concrete diagnosis was the ability to create a game plan. After Googling how to treat BPD, I found a practice called dialectical behavior therapy, a form of speech therapy for those with emotional regulatory issues. I was hesitant at first, thinking “Well, I’ve gotten this far without it, so why now?”

I then thought back to the advice I’d given so many of my friends at their lowest — never be afraid to ask for help. Reluctantly, and a bit annoyed at the irony of the overall situation, I started searching for a dialectical behavior therapy specialist.

After hours of Zoom meetings, worksheets and assigned readings, the thing that stuck with me the most was the practice of radical acceptance, a facet of DBT that forces patients to accept their situation and give them power to control their present rather than living in regret of the past. With my emotional regulatory issues, it was difficult to accept when things were bad, upsetting or not how I anticipated, especially when I had no way to change them.

Radical acceptance taught me to stop caring. Or, rather, to stop caring about things I had no ability to control. Starting off, I honestly felt silly. Whenever I’d feel myself beginning to spiral, I’d sit myself down and repeat to myself the phrase.

“The present moment is the only thing I had control over.”

So, there I was in the corner of my apartment whispering to myself like a brooding toddler in time-out. Initially, it felt silly to be telling myself something I didn’t believe to be true, but slowly the phrase became my safety blanket. It was my personal mantra, reminding me of my ability to influence my future.

Radical acceptance

Radical acceptance originated as a foundational emotional regulatory technique within dialectical behavior therapy. Developed by Marsha Linehan, the practice is now considered the “gold standard” for treating patients with BPD. A main goal of DBT is to teach the patient to mitigate their emotions by relinquishing control over the past. It also encourages patients to separate themselves from a distressing situation and identify what is causing them to feel a certain way.

After identification comes radical acceptance. In situations of anger or distress, there is an inclination to become fixated on what should have happened, rather than what did. These cognitive distortions, despite our inability to change or fix them, lead to blame and regret.

Radical acceptance teaches patients to reframe their thinking. These “should have” statements are unable to solve any current emotional distress. By realizing the pointlessness of ruminating in the past, we gain agency over the future.

Gerald Davison, a former teacher of Linehan as well as a professor of psychology and gerontology at USC, described radical acceptance as an optimistic outlook which shows us how to create our own existence. He said that, while we are inclined to fixate on what we have no control over, we do have control over reframing our thoughts in a positive light.

“You accept where you are, but that doesn’t prevent your changing,” Davison said. “You acknowledge where you are, understand it. That’s the way it is, for whatever reasons. Now let’s sort of get on with it. Let’s move forward from here.”

Linehan’s research breaks radical acceptance into three main components: accepting reality for what it is, accepting that the event or situation creating pain has a larger purpose and accepting that life is worth living despite emotional pain.

Though DBT and radical acceptance were initially created to treat BPD, these techniques are anything but exclusive to these patients. When practiced in an educational setting, implementing DBT has the potential to create not just “improved behavior in the classroom, but greater confidence, self-awareness, and resilience that students can carry with them long after the school day ends,” according to Ohio’s Positive Education Program.

By practicing radical acceptance, we prioritize our own mindfulness. This way of thinking creates a process of understanding the way our minds work without judgement and developing ways to deal with our most pervasive challenges.

“[Mindfulnes] is an ongoing skill. It’s like a superpower that we want to build,” said David Alvarado, a clinical instructor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Keck School of Medicine. “It’s important for college students to those that face stress and challenges [to notice] and hone in on that mindfulness that is affecting their thoughts, their feelings, their sensations and their urges.”

When we radically accept, we are moving past what we cannot change. We accept that the situation makes us feel upset for one reason or another and acknowledge that it is a disservice to remain in a negative state of self blame.

Radical acceptance isn’t refusing accountability; it’s training the mind to look forward.

Reflecting on the practice

Although I’ll always be learning, radical acceptance has truly changed the way I view life. Previously, I felt all consumed by the past. Now, I can confidently say I am in control.

Although DBT was created for those struggling with BPD, its skills are far from exclusive to others struggling with their mental health. For me, radical acceptance has helped both my BPD episodes and moments where I’m stressed about everyday life.

When the pain is acknowledged, only then is there potential for healing. True emotional freedom comes from the ability to confront what is wrong and make a true, conscious effort to change your situation for the better. By adopting a mindset that emphasizes personal agency, the mind feels in control and optimistic about the future.

Seeing how DBT has greatly impacted my life, my hope is that others can adopt a similar mindset. Amid the unending struggles of student life, it can be easy to make excuses for neglecting mental health upkeep. Beyond this, the path to equilibrium can feel like this huge undertaking that nobody has the time for. I myself was stuck in this mindset for the longest time until I sought treatment.

I’ve learned that even the smallest efforts can make a difference. I no longer found myself ruminating in the past and instead felt liberated in my present. I felt like I was free from the very thoughts that I had been so afraid to confront.

For those wondering how they can adopt radical acceptance into their lives, it can be as simple as taking a step back. If you feel your emotions starting to heighten, force yourself to identify what exactly you’re feeling. Talk to a friend. Write down your thoughts. Do anything but pretend they aren’t there.

When we push down negative thoughts, this only validates their influence over your mind. By confronting them, we empower ourselves to incite change.

Though you don’t necessarily have to face a wall and repeat positive affirmations to yourself for an hour, there is some truth to phrases like “I accept this moment as it is” or “Although my emotions are uncomfortable, I will get through it” — bringing about a positive outlook to the forefront of our brains when we need it most.

Allow yourself to mess up. Don’t punish yourself for things you can’t control. Bask in the sun. Take four deep breaths. Read a book. Do whatever works for you, and if you don’t know, figure out what does.

Let this be the day you prioritize your own improvement, and quit finding excuses to stay in the past — you have no idea how much it can change your life.