In that dreaded moment when dinner ends and it’s time to decide who picks up the tab, the fun, lively dinner with friends becomes a logic puzzle of deciding who puts their card down and how much you owe them. But perhaps the headache of calculating your dinner price plus tax and tip simply isn’t worth it, and maybe your friend might trust that you’ll get them back next time. 

Then, Venmo comes in. Created to make splitting the tab easier, peer-to-peer money transfer apps like Venmo and Zelle help you avoid this ‘debt,’ ensuring everything ends up fair. However, Venmo culture’s idea of ‘fairness’ can ruin friendships.

Digital payment services like Venmo can make friendships more transactional and petty. These services have gotten rid of the unspoken trust often found in friendships — in which people can count on their friends to get the next round or be there for them when they need them — by demanding payment right away. 

A 2018 study published by the American Psychological Association says demanding precise payments has quickly become more common with Venmo. They found that before these apps proliferated, when a friend offered to do a kind act — like driving them to work — there was typically no expectation you would pay them back with cash, but rather with another generous favor. 

However, the researchers’ surveys of groups of Venmo users show that people will request repayment for those favors down to the last cent. Though it’s financially fair, this unintentionally can become a breeding ground for resentment, as this precision can make friendships feel more transactional.

As a result, people perceive their friends as more petty as well: The researchers define pettiness as “intentional attentiveness to trivial details,” which has become more commonplace with Venmo, as more people request money down to the last cent. Even if the exact calculations might end up being more generous by ensuring fairness, the behavior ends up overshadowing the action. 

According to the study, this newly perceived pettiness has ruined relationships in numerous ways. Petty behavior can cause people to be less likely to engage in altruistic behavior necessary to make trusting friendships, since they feel that there is less room for mistakes when paying back their friends. The lead researcher, Tami Kim, told UVA Today it signals to friends that money-request policers seem more like a “bank teller” than an actual friend. 

Venmo can also damage your social status and potential new friendships, even if unintentional. In a 2017 Forbes article, a UC Berkeley professor and a social status expert said generosity can boost a person’s status. With an app that revolves around transactions and displays users’ financial activity to others, Venmo can broadcast certain character traits to other users. 

For example, if someone is constantly requesting petty amounts for trivial things, this would signal to others that they might be cheap, dampening their social status. Even if someone needs to count down to the nickel, Venmo’s extreme financial transparency means others could perceive them as being cheap. 

On the flip side, users with more money could also use Venmo to show they’re being philanthropic and social, enhancing their social status and favoring wealthier users.

People don’t realize that being in ‘debt’ to your friends can be a good thing. This isn’t to say you should let your friends pay large, expensive tabs under the guise of friendship. But you should, however, be able to trust they’ll be willing to pay for your $5 cup of coffee next time. This debt can also give you a reason to hang out again, creating enduring friendships without the stress of calculating who owes what at the end of each meal or hangout. 

And, for the majority of people for whom counting every cent is necessary, this isn’t to say you should never expect payment from your friends back: Sometimes, it’s necessary for you to get money back right away, and you should not be considered petty for needing it. This perception of pettiness fostered by Venmo culture just means that you should try to give your friends more grace and understanding if they don’t pay you back the exact amount or right away.  

In today’s economy, open conversations about budgets and financial boundaries are essential so everyone isn’t jumping to conclusions about people’s characters. Venmo requests may make interactions within friendships more financially equal, but you must combine that with trust, open communication, understanding and a little bit of generosity to create lasting friendships.