Timing is not always perfect, but it can be helpful

A lot of people think about “what could have been.” They often think of those from the past as “the one that got away,” and they might imagine from time to time what it would or could have been if only things worked out.

This is all based on the idea of “potential,” a scary and truly unpredictable concept. “Potential” is often said with a positive connotation, but the word still gives space for infinite possibilities, good or bad. This risky concept mixed with timing can be especially complex in dating, and I as well have personally been left wondering what could have been because of these two concepts.

We first met in high school through mutual friends and hit it off. We chatted frequently through AIM Express and stayed connected by chatting on the phone almost every night. We ended up going to a high school dance together but after that, things cooled down.

We didn’t talk as much and got caught up in our own hobbies and busy academic schedules. It was serendipitous for us to end up at the same college two years later, where we reconnected and spent heaps of time together. I met him when he was a dorky high school boy and saw him transform into a handsome, professional man.

Throughout those years, we were always close and deeply cared for each other. All our mutual friends continuously teased us and asked why we weren’t together, which resulted in me trying to ask myself the same question. It took me a while to figure it out. In hindsight, though, it was actually a really simple answer: timing.

Many of us have experienced this frustrating feeling of meeting someone we can’t be with. Or sometimes we’re hurt over a relationship or fling that didn’t work out. Often, we are impatient with ourselves in these circumstances and create a mental hype based on potential. However, deep down (however far that may be) we know that it wasn’t meant to be. That realization might take some time to come to mind, too, but regardless, it’s important to value the beauty of timing and patience.

I truly believe that the universe’s sense of timing works in our favor. Some things just don’t work out, but for good reason, perhaps through things we don’t see. And when timing is good and things work out, it is for good reason. It’s all about learning to be patient, to allow things to fall in place as they should and to trust the process. Some things just truly take time, and if we don’t let them organically grow, then we’re cutting ourselves short with an artificial substitute.

He was kind and was with me through multiple sh-tty relationships, as I did for him. Yet there was never really a good time for either of us to give us a chance, although we were seemingly good together. At times it seemed frustrating but in hindsight it was a blessing. If we had been together, I possibly would have never met or gotten to know some amazing people in my life right now. He also probably wouldn’t have ended up with the fantastic girlfriend he has now. And for these things I am so thankful for being patient and allowing things to be the way they were.

These are things you probably have heard before: the value of patience and timings a b-tch. But in the midst of these two things I think we often forget to be grateful for the seeming complexity of the situation and simply trust the process. Instead of focusing on the now and continuously working to feed into our expectations and judgments of the situation, perhaps it’s best to just sit back and let things take their own course.

Dani Chang is a senior majoring in cinematic arts, critical studies.  Her column, “Feisty Woman,” runs every other Friday.