‘Eternals’ is an illogical waste of time
This review contains spoilers.
What could go wrong with Maleficent, Jon Snow and Astrid Leong-Teo leading a Marvel movie? The answer: everything. “Eternals,” Marvel’s latest Phase Four installment, relies on its superpowered casting and incredible director, rather than, well, the plot.
Shots of sandy beaches and gorgeous cliffs introduce audiences to Marvel’s newest superhero team. They triumphantly float down from the sky after elegantly slaying the beasts, attacking poor villagers in Mesopotamia. Audiences soon learn these are the Eternals, immortal beings sent to protect Earth from deviants (surprisingly, not scary blue-and-silver ribbon-like giants that attack humans). The Eternals are supposed to protect human development but are curiously prohibited from interfering in any wars or extraterrestrial threats, such as Marvel’s last villain Thanos.
“Eternals” alternates between clips of the superheroes building havens for humans in historical cities and them blending into everyday society during the modern age. Slowly, we meet all 10 Eternals, with Sersi (Gemma Chan), Ikaris (Richard Madden) and Sprite (Lia McHugh) dominating screen time. Sersi serves as the movie’s main protagonist, and audiences are first introduced to her in present day London. There she lives alongside Sprite and dates Dane Whitman (Kit Harington).
Thereafter, we run into Ikaris, then Ajak (Salma Hayek), then Kingo (Kumail Nanjiani), then Thena (Angelina Jolie) and Gilgamesh (Don Lee), then Druig (Barry Keoghan), then Phastos (Brian Tyree Henry) and then, finally, Makkari (Lauren Ridloff).
Yep, it’s a lot.
We watch as they become a family, fight deviants, build societies, fall in love, break apart and come back together again. Frankly, there are too many emotions to go through in just under three hours.
“Eternals” largely failed because of its emphasis on the names attached to the film and not the film’s substance. To head the film, Marvel scooped one of the biggest names in the film industry right now, the 2021 Academy Award winner for Best Director, Chloé Zhao. While Zhao is an incredible director worthy of the acclaim, she works best on her own, where she can have complete control over the story she wants to craft, not when she is trying to add her style into the rigid confines of a well-known, well-established studio with a specific superhero formula.
Zhao’s directing style (which involves many wide angles and quiet shots), ends up emphasizing the absurdities in “Eternals” instead of hiding it. It is much easier to hide a poorly written fight scene with the style that dominated previous Marvel entries where the camera pans to alternating close-ups and ostentatious explosions that make it nearly impossible to hear the dialogue.
Surely, a wonderful part of “Eternals” is its magical cinematography. Zhao and cinematographer Ben Davis create magic on screen by shooting on-location, something common in Zhao’s films and rare in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But no amount of beautiful shots can make up for the poor dialogue and weak plot which are ultimately the downfalls of “Eternals.”
Given the packed cast of charismatic, beloved actors, the movie seemed impossible to fail. However, none of the actors are given dialogue that plays up to their respective strengths. A star can be a powerful tool for a director, but Zhao fails at balancing the star power in the movie by never giving them a chance to shine as individuals.
What good is casting Jolie if the most impact her character had on the plot is one inspirational pep talk and a kill in the final battle? And why cast Nanjiani, a hilarious comedian, and force him to solely rely on Star-Lord level humor, which is funny but also immature and egotistical? What is the point of having a powerful, diverse cast of actors if they only positively contribute to the hive-mind that is the Eternals and do not have the opportunity to flourish as individuals?
Marvel attempts to introduce us to 10 new immortal superheroes, give them complex backgrounds and character growth and have them save the world in a two-hour and 37-minute movie. By trying to do so much, “Eternals’’ does nothing at all. Ten characters are an insane amount of faces to introduce in one film, and Zhao leaves each with a lackluster backstory or none at all. The film picks and chooses whose backstory to explore, but it expects its audience to follow along when information is introduced about a character the audience barely knows.
Honestly, who cares? By failing to flesh out each character, it becomes impossible to feel for them emotionally or sympathize with their struggles in any way.
On top of introducing 10 new characters with individual powers and backstories, the Eternals still need to fight the big bad guy of the movie, fight the minor bad guys and deal with betrayal and heartbreak. It is way too much for an introductory movie. The battle is anti climactic, confusing and asks the viewer to suspend too much of their disbelief.
Marvel has a history of asking its viewers to suspend their disbelief — we witnessed Viking gods from outer space, KGB superhuman spies and a titan able to wipe out half the universe with a snap of his fingers — but somehow“Eternals” is the film that manages to finally cross the line into utter ludicrousness.
“Eternals” is a disappointment. It is not worth paying money to see in the theatre, and, honestly, should be watched on someone else’s Disney+ account at home because, at least then, you aren’t wasting your money on the film.