I was born and raised in the same midwestern town in which my mom was born and raised. My brother and I have lived in the same house for our entire lives — with all of my cousins on my mom’s side living within one mile of my house. We affectionately called my suburb “the last bit of civilization before butt-fuck-nowhere Illinois.” I even celebrate Harvard Milk Days, a uniquely midwestern celebration that involves a cow statue named Harmilda.

Growing up in the heart of the Midwest, the term “Midwest nice” was more than just a catchphrase; it was a way of life. In my town, where everyone knows everyone and community spirit is palpable, the essence of Midwest nice permeated every aspect of our daily lives. 

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As I reflect on this phenomenon, I find myself yearning for the simple yet profound gestures of kindness that defined my upbringing. For those who have not had the pleasure of visiting the forgotten region of the United States, I will explain it to you.

Midwest nice is when you are walking down the street and people wave as they pass you by. It’s a complete stranger hooking up tow chains to your car and pulling it out of a snowbank — and when you try to thank them, they insist that it’s nothing that deserves thanks because “anyone with a heartbeat would have done the same.” It’s having a stranger at your Thanksgiving table because everyone should have somewhere to celebrate during the holidays. 

People may think these examples are made up or from a Hallmark movie, but all of these have happened to me or my family. This culture of helpfulness and politeness is what sets the heartland of America apart from the rest of the U.S. This difference has been especially apparent to me since moving to Los Angeles and attending USC.

The West Coast, especially Southern California, has what I like to call “West Coast chill,” the idea that people aren’t going to go out of their way to help a stranger, but might offer you their verbal sympathies. They won’t care if you dye your hair a crazy color, but also won’t bring you cookies if your dog dies. 

While I do love West Coast chill because it has allowed me to better come into myself in college without the fear of judgment, it also has made it hard to feel truly welcome in the USC community and L.A. as a whole. People often brush off or don’t reciprocate polite gestures, which is very foreign to me. 

I have often found myself confused when people do not return my smiles while walking on campus, or when people do not hold open the door for me when my hands are full. One of the defining characteristics of the culture I grew up in is the willingness to extend a helping hand without expecting anything in return. 

Midwesterners are, from my experience, eager to offer assistance, foster camaraderie and make people feel welcomed — which I, unfortunately, don’t think can be said about the culture of West Coast chill.

Midwest nice does not come without flaws though — passive aggressiveness, an unwillingness to speak up and strict conformity are some of the downsides that come with a culture that values politeness so heavily. 

Midwesterners oftentimes will use passive aggressiveness or simply refuse to speak up when they are displeased with someone or something because direct confrontation is seen as rude or socially taboo. People also feel a need to conform to the pressures of society to not disturb the peace or draw attention to themselves as outsiders, which can oftentimes create a stifling feeling for those who don’t strictly fall into the confines of that society. 

As I navigate this new world outside of the bubble of the Midwest, I find myself loving both the openness of the West Coast chill and the kindness of the Midwest nice. I hope to bring the Midwest niceness and West Coast chill into all parts of my life. 

Since in today’s world, we are oftentimes caught up in the hustle and bustle of our own lives, combining the openness of the West Coast and the kindness of the Midwest will help us deepen our connections in our own communities.