In the grueling search for a partner, desperate singles are afforded certain privileges to help them find someone they’re compatible with. We’re allowed to filter for height, political views, education level and many other seemingly harmless things. But when it comes to love, is it acceptable to filter our potential partners by what race they are? 

Babies are not born with an understanding of what race is and its various social implications. So it would be reasonable to believe that we are not born with preconceived notions of what race is more attractive than others. We are not the innocent lambs we like to think we are, sauntering in a meadow in search of a partner. And most heartbreaking of all, attraction and who we find hot is not as random and wild as it appears to be.

From the shows we grew up watching to the people we were exposed to, we are all conditioned to find certain features and “looks” attractive. Simply put, we contain what can be likened to an algorithm when it comes to what we find attractive, only understandable through a string of crushes that could be boiled down to a “type.” 

But what if your “type” was really just this grading system, you subconsciously developed as a result of your life experience? 

That begs the question though, if our types are a result of society, our parents and the media, shouldn’t we all have the same type? Yes and no. Despite the overarching message society tells us about how Chris Hemsworth is the peak of male beauty or how Sydney Sweeney is the new it girl, we all internalize that to different degrees. 

We do not live in a raceless society and so it is ignorant to assume that race doesn’t play a role in who we choose to share our lives with. That being said, preferring to date one group over another implies comparison, and comparison implies a hierarchy. 

“Usually it’s like white, Asian, then Latino and Black,” said Johanna Reyes, a senior majoring in civil engineering. 

Racial preferences in dating are not just theoretical; there’s data to back it up. Christian Rudder, OkCupid’s co-founder, pooled millions of interactions on the platform between 2009 and 2014. Of the 25 million heterosexual exchanges observed, he then mapped out their racial and gender preferences. 

According to the chart of users’ preferences from 2014, Asian men, Black men and Black women received the lowest ratings. Asian men received 24% more matches from Asian women but were 13%, 14% and 12% less likely to receive them from Black women, Latina women and white women, respectively. 

Black women were only 1% more likely to match with Black men on the platform but were 20%, 18% and 17% less likely to match with Asian men, Latino men and white men. 

The observable tendency to overlook certain groups for others has spawned certain sayings. A popular phrase meant to signal one’s preference for white people, usually women, it isn’t uncommon to hear “if it ain’t snowing, I ain’t going.” Another is “once you go Black, you don’t go back.” 

But why is this important at all? Aren’t our dating preferences no one’s business but our own? True, but as racially conscious singles, the burden falls on us to unpack our biases and recognize how they could have seeped into our dating lives. 

So is it racist to have a preference? No, but it can easily become problematic. When we begin to project fantasies and expectations onto others based on our assumptions of their race, we perpetuate harmful and racist narratives. 

There is an argument to be made for the benefit of sharing a culture with your partner. There are those who wish to date someone with the same lived experience. This has the benefit of ensuring cultural cohesion between the two families and decreasing the chance of race-based arguments later down the line. 

However, what is not acceptable is to write off an entire race. To say you are not attracted to all Latine people or all Black people is ridiculous. Both groups constitute billions of people around the world and to say you are not attracted to every single individual on the basis of one uncontrollable trait is racist. 

To take race into consideration is not inherently problematic. Be confident when you date, but learn to accept that you just won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. In the same way, allow yourself to date different types of people. Who you’re meant to be with may not always be the person you see yourself with.