I Just Don’t Know

College is about learning, about knowing things. Yet, in my last semester of college I’ve been spitting out the phrase “I don’t know” like a broken record.

“Are you going back to the East Coast after graduation, or are you staying in L.A.?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you doing after graduation anyway?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think we should fly out to L.A. on Wednesday or Thursday before graduation?”  

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to go to a late lunch or early dinner after your graduation ceremony?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you doing today?”

“OH MY GOD I DON’T KNOW, JUST STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!”

Recently, questions that I don’t have the answers to seem to be coming at me left and right, whether they’re being asked by my hyper-organized, serial-planner of a mother or innocent strangers who don’t know they are much better off just keeping the inquiries to themselves. There are a lot of unknowns in my life right now and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t stressing me out a little.

I prefer when things are planned out: when I can prepare and know what to expect, when I know what the future holds. Despite my best efforts, during the last few months my life has just not worked like this. Instead, unknowns have been popping up everywhere — from the big plans like where I’ll live after graduation, to the smaller details like planning travel arrangements with my family for graduation weekend.

My mom has continued to nag me with emails containing a ridiculous amount of question marks, but I’m working to accept that fact that the unknown is okay right now. The questions I don’t have answers to at this exact moment shouldn’t keep me up at night, and it’s perfectly acceptable to put off my responses until later. Just like you can’t be expected to ace a class final on the first day of class, there’s no way I’ll have all the answers to everyone’s post-grad questions a month into the semester.

At a school where everyone is so motivated to succeed and classmates land jobs, receive scholarships and awards that seem more and more impressive each day, it can be easy to forget that not everyone has all the answers quite yet.

I know that over the next few months, one by one, my friends and classmates will inevitably begin to figure it all out, to come up with answers for the nagging questions from their mom, aunt, uncle, professor, acquaintance or random cab driver.

In the mean time, I’ll try to keep reminding myself that in due time I’ll figure all this post-grad stuff out too, and that there’s no perfect timeline for making all these plans. For now,  there’s a good chance I’ll continue to field the same questions over the next few months, but for the time being, “I don’t know” will just have to suffice.

Emily Goldberg is a senior majoring in print and digital journalism. Her blog column, Diaries of a Second-Semester Senior, runs every Thursday.