Infidelity in relationships poses challenges for students

Until a relationship goes by the wayside like a VHS tape, the thought of, “Are they cheating?” will creep up every now and then. There’s no point in kidding yourself that the possibility of your partner cheating won’t be at the forefront of your brain as long as you’re together.

As we all know, good decisions in matters of love are rarely made with unclouded vision. To actually be cheating on someone, however, there has to have been commitment in the relationship in the first place.

Infidelity can cause even the most solid relationships to fall apart, and it’s no different with college students. After all, it was our very own President Clinton who told the entire American people on national television that he “did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Thus, men and women were misled to believe that giving or receiving oral sex does not fit into the equation of cheating — but clearly, that’s not the case. My opinion is a lot more straightforward — if you so much as put your hands on someone else of the opposite sex, you’re crossing a line that labels you a cheater.

So let’s try and define a relationship and commitment so we might ascertain whether or not you have a cheater on your hands.

The Oxford English Dictionary has no fewer than six definitions with subheadings for commitment:

“The action of committing, in various senses: the action of entrusting, giving in charge or commending; the committing of oneself, or being committed to a particular course of conduct.”

The term “relationship,” is defined as, “The position which one person holds with respect to another on account of some social or other connection between them: the particular mode in which persons are mutually connected by circumstances.”

But the fact is that everyone in a relationship has at some point thought about cheating, or being cheated on, or has done the actual misdeed.

Let’s say that both parties in a relationship agreed to be exclusive. If a promise of faithfulness has been implied, disloyalty can happen. Cheating is never acceptable. It causes significant emotional pain for your partner, not to mention the possibility that the person you are cheating with might do the same thing to you later. But don’t blame the cheater’s partner unless you know them personally; it’s the cheater’s responsibility to remain faithful. If the person your significant other cheated with happens to be one of your friends, however, dump them.

So how can you tell if someone is cheating? Though countless articles have been published on how to “spot a cheater,” it is a bit more complex for college students. There is no substitute for effective communication. Before you go accusing someone, think the following scenarios through carefully. Below is a list of tell-tale signs of cheating, in my opinion, and some are personal examples of how I figured out how I was being cheated on. If you answer “yes” to even one or two questions, you’re not just paranoid, something might be brewing. Open up the lines of communication. If they turn it around on you immediately, it might be time to look into things more carefully.

First, follow your instincts. It is the best indicator that something has become amiss in your once blissful relationship. Another potential indicator is that their phone is all of a sudden always on lockdown or airplane mode. In addition, a decrease in the amount of texting between you could mean something, unless you’ve communicated that you have a very busy week ahead of you.

A bad sign is when a simple, “What are you doing?” turns into a fight. Others would be that they are suddenly in or at places they had never mentioned before, or they don’t share their class schedule with you. If they start looking spruced up or they shrug off the compliments that you give them when you notice they are looking really good, this could also be bad news.

Be aware of what they do for fun. If they suddenly are going out with friends you’ve never heard of or you see them with different girls/boys from the group you normally party with, this could mean something deeper.

There are a few ways to tell if their interest in hanging out with you has faded. One of these is if they start meeting you only off-campus or in their apartment. Another is if you no longer meet for a quick lunch or a hello between classes, or if they no longer ask for help with papers or homework.

Sometimes the perspective from someone removed from the situation can be more informative than your own; for example if your friends no longer asks what “you guys” are doing or if their friends can’t look you in the eye that could mean trouble.

Finally, if their parents were on campus, and you were not invited out with them, or better yet, you didn’t even know they were in town, it might be time to ask some questions.

Cassie Collins is a junior majoring in communication. Her column, “From Troy, with Love,” runs Wednesdays.