By now, you probably have heard about the sex scandal at Brigham Young University. Basically, forward Brandon Davies was suspended from the basketball team for the rest of the year for having consensual sex with his girlfriend.
Now, although this is accepted pretty much anywhere else, BYU has a strict honor code that prohibits this kind of conduct, as well as other things like coffee and tea drinking and watching Charlie Sheen interviews.
Any other year, this would just be a chance for people to have a good laugh and move on. But not this year. What makes this such a big deal is that BYU is in the midst of a special season. Earlier this week there was talk of the Cougars gaining a No. 1 seed in the NCAA tournament after a huge win at No. 6 San Diego State.
Forget about the No. 1 seed now. BYU’s title hopes are pretty much dashed. Davies was the Cougars leading rebounder and third leading scorer. After I heard this news, my initial reaction was, “how could anyone survive at BYU?” It’s gotta be the only place in the country where Starbucks is less popular than Star Jones.
My second reaction was, “If USC had an honor code, so that all students would have to adhere to uniform Trojan standards, what would it be?” USC has a code of ethics and a student conduct code, but no university-wide honor code.
With Davies possibly getting expelled from BYU, I’m officially opening up my bid to make him a Trojan. He would have to follow the new honor code, however.
Here are my suggestions for the first-ever USC honor code to be followed by students and athletes alike (including you, Davies). Any violation of these guidelines will result in the forfeiture of Kevin O’Neill bobblehead the received at the basketball game last week. If you don’t have one (you are missing out), then you will have to stand in Lane Kiffin’s office until you can make him laugh. If he’s on a recruiting visit, you must eat a meal at EVK.
1) Thou shalt never accept losing to UCLA.
2) Thou shalt not accept golf cart rides from strangers.
3) Thou shalt not ride your bike or skateboard within a 50-mile radius of campus. It’s getting too crowded.
4) Thou shalt watch at least one Champions League soccer game in Café 84 on a Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon. The atmosphere is electric.
5) Thou shalt not sit in Trojan Nation at kickoff, especially without “tailgaiting” beforehand.
6) Thou shalt not fornicate … during a USC football game.
7) Thou shalt not attempt to hide Malibu in a sunscreen bottle before a night game at the Coliseum.
8) Thou shalt learn to pronounce the name of women’s soccer coach Ali Khosroshahin. I’m not going to help you. That’s cheating.
9) Thou shalt not speak poorly of the Song Girls. Ever.
So there you have it. I know nine rules are a lot to follow, but just think of the consequences. If somehow you do break one, you better have some good jokes lined up.
“Spittin’ Sports” runs Fridays. To comment on this article e-mail Kenny at email@example.com or visit dailytrojan.com.